


Where Is My Mind?

by thegirlwithnofreckles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Angels, BAMF Castiel, Bottom Castiel, Comedy, Dean really loves cas ok?, Demons, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Hunters, Hunting, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Castiel, Jealous Dean Winchester, M/M, Memory Loss, Protective Dean Winchester, Romance, Temporary Amnesia, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-21 15:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlwithnofreckles/pseuds/thegirlwithnofreckles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean loses his memory on a hunt. He doesn't remember anything about being a hunter or his family. Sam and Cas help him get his memory back. Even though he understands everything, Dean doesn't understan why he feels so close to Cas. Will Dean remember him? And how? *Not a one chapter story. Updates everyday.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after season 5 but Sam is alive and well. He has his soul too :) The title is a song called "Where is my mind" by "Pixies" Not a one chapter story. Updates every day.

Dean wakes up in a room that doesn’t look familiar with him. The room is cold and small there are two beds and one bathroom. He assumes that this is a motel room. He slowly gets up and suddenly regrets. Because back of his head hurts like hell every time he moves. He realizes that he doesn’t remember how he got here. ‘Maybe just hangover?’ He thinks. Than he realizes that he doesn’t remember anything. He doesn’t even remembers his own name. He tries to remember it but it only hurt his head more so he stops thinking and goes back to bed. Tries to sleep again but he jumps when the room’s door opens. He immediately sits up.

Two men get into the room. One of them is freakishly tall and -once again- freakishly fit. His long brown hairs are behind his ears and he is wearing a shirt and jeans. The other one is smaller. He has a dark messy hair and heavenly blue eyes. He is wearing a trench coat and a suit. He looks confused and relieved.

“Dean! You woke up.” Bigger man shouts. Dean. Good now he had a name. before Dean could say anything the sasquatch closes the space between them and hugs him. Really hugs him tightly. Dean just stays like that.

“Dude, get off I’m not gay” he protests. The man pulls back and looks confused. “I appreciate the hug but maybe I should umm…” he looks around for more information about himself. Nut he finds nothing. Where the hell was he, who were these guys?

“You okay man?” bigger guy talks again. Looking at Dean like he is wearing yellow at a funeral.

“Yeah yeah sure” Dean nods fast. The smaller man walks towards him and puts his palm in Dean’s forehead. ‘What the hell is wrong with these guys and personal spaces?!’

“Something’s not right” he says. And fuck. He has the most beautiful voice anyone could ever hear. 

“What do you mean?” The other man asks. Dean fights the urge to ask them their names. If he asks them their names they would panic right? Obviously they knew him.

“He doesn’t remember anything” the beautiful one says. He looks hurt. But wait… what?! How could he even know that?

“What?” Dean and the other guy ask at the same time.

“He took a hit on the head, Sam. We didn’t think it was a big deal but obviously it was. And now there’s nothing I can do about it.” Smaller one answers with a tone Dean doesn’t understand. This ‘Sam’ guy just looks at Dean and takes a step closer.

“Dean is that true?” he asks like he is talking to a nine year old. “You don’t remember?”

Dean stares at them for a moment. “Uh… yeah. I guess. I didn’t even know my n-name until you called me ‘Dean’”

“Shit” Sam curses “What do you remember?”

“He said he doesn’t remember his name Sam. What do you think he remembers?” the other guy says. Pain evident in his voice. Obviously really close to Dean.

“Like he said I… umm.. don’t really remember anything.” Dean says to Sam, pointing the other guy. For the love of God! What was his name?

“Can you fix it?” Sam asks to the beautiful man with still no name.

“If we realized sooner…” he shakes his head slowly. “There’s nothing we can do right now.” He really looks hurt and that somehow make Dean want to hug him. What were they? Brothers maybe? Dean assumed this guy was a doctor given the talk about ‘fixing’ Dean.

“Shit. I mean really shit! We can’t go to a hospital Castiel and you know that. What the hell are we supposed to do” Sam asked panicked. Castiel. Okay so this guy wasn’t his brother. He was Italian or something. He looked different from most of the people. And he wasn’t a doctor. So who was he?

“We have to Sam. As much as I hate to say this, I am not enough. He needs human medical care.” Human medical care? Weeirrrrdd.

“Yeah but- well I guess you are right. What do you say Dean?” Sam asks. Turning to Dean.

“Who are you?” Dean can’t help but ask. Because he needs to know.

Sam looks at Castiel for a moment like asking for permission and turns to Dean when Castiel nods. “Well… you are Dean Winchester and you are my brother I am Sam. Winchester.” Sam says slowly then stops and looks at Dean who gestures him to continue. “Our mother died when I was six months old and we lost our father like four years ago. You are thirty-one years old and I am twenty-seven. We are hunters. And this is Castiel” he points the other man who is looking at Dean with an unreadable face. “he umm… helps us hunt.” Sam says quickly.

So he is a hunter. Whatever the hell that means. He could ask later. Sam is his brother and Castiel is their friend. He gets all that but he still has so many questions. Like ‘What happened to me?’ ‘Why is Castiel looking at me like that?’ ‘What happened to our parents’ and ‘what are we all doing in same motel room?’ But he starts with the most important question. “Why is he looking at me like that?”

Castiel turn his head to Sam. Sam hesitates before answering. “That’s his thing. He stares a lot.”

“So I hit my head, while I was hunting? ” Dean ask another question. And Sam nods. “Did we at least kill the fucking thing?”

“Uhhmm… no. Castiel and I… we were well you know worried about you so we kinda stopped. And we don’t even know what we are after so…”Sam answers like a little kid.

“We don’t? Then why the hell are we hunting?” Dean feels confused because who would hunt something they don’t know. Apparently he was a maniac. 

“Right. About that…” Sam hesitates and looks at Castiel for a second.

“You hunt demons, vampires, werewolves, gouls, wendigos, evil spirits and many more. You don’t hunt animals Dean.” Castiel says carefully. Dean just looks at him for a minute. Waiting for the punch line. But the is the most serious thing in the world right now so Dean nods.

“Demons? Are they even real?” he asks but then he finds he doesn’t want to know the answer. Because these guys are dead serious.

“Yeah. One of them killed our mother twenty six years ago. And our dad raised us as hunters. You have been hunting your whole life Dean.” Sam explained. But Dean’s eyes were fixed on Castiel. For a moment Dean thought he knew the guy. But then he forgot whatever he remembered. 

“So what? We are Batman and Robin?” Dean turns to Sam. Sam smiles and nods. Dean starts to like the guy. Then he turns back to Castiel. “And I’m assuming this is Alfred.”

Sam laughs out loud but Castiel just furrows. Like Dean just said something in French. Dean smiles and pats his shoulder. Only then Castiel smiles a little. Only for a second.

“Look I don’t wanna be rude but umm… I still don’t know who you are.” Dean says to Castiel.  
Castiel gulps and looks at Sam. Sam nods and gives Castiel an unreadable look. Like he pities him. They stare at each other for a minute ten Castiel turns to Dean. “You can ask me anything you want Dean.” Castiel says. 

Sam leaves the room without saying anything. Dean tries to think something to ask.

“Who are you? I mean, to me? Who are you?” Dean asks.

“I am your friend. Best friend as you call me.” Castiel answers but his voice cracks. Dean ignores that.

“Well that’s umm… believable. When did I meet you?” Dean ask, wondering how and why would this guy be with two maniac demon hunters. ‘Maybe he lost someone too’.

“You want me to be honest?” Castiel asks. Dean wonders what the hell he is about to say. So he nods. “I raised you from perdition two years ago. I rescued you from hell. ”

“Hell? As in the Hell?” Dean asks. Panic and disbelief in his voice. Castiel nods and he has that serious eyes again. Deep and blue. Serious and beautiful. “What do you mean you raised me? What are you?”

“I am an angel of the lord.” Castiel says simply. Like Dean just asked about his job.

Of course. An angel and two hunters. Nothing weird about that. Anyone could wake up to a life like this. Right?  
Dean feels his head throbbing like a drum. He furrows in pain and shuts his eyes. What the fuck?

“You okay?” Castiel asks. Panic in his voice. 

“Umm… no. my head is about to explode.” Dean says and turns away to go to bed but Castiel is suddenly right in front of him. ‘How did he do that?’

He puts his right hand to Dean’s shoulder and the pain is gone. Puff. Just like that. 

“Whoaa. That was cool. What else can you do?” Dean can’t help but ask. Because shit. This guy really was an angel. Dean knew there was something heavenly about him.

“I can fly. I can heal people. I can smite demons and monsters. But none of that matters now.” Castiel answers. And he sounds like he is about to cry.

“Why?” Dean asks and feels like shit for hurting the angel.

“Because I can’t help you right now.” Castiel says. His eyes are fixed on Dean. Looking through him.

“Hey you did your best. Besides you just healed me. And thank you. Okay?” The angel doesn’t say anything though. “Cas?”

The angel smiles when he hears the shortened version of his name. “Can I call you ‘Cas’?” Dean asks but already knowing the answer.

“You always call me ‘Cas’.” The angel says and smiles even wider. And Dean just forgets to breathe for a moment. Shit.

“Okay Cas. I umm… is it okay if I sleep?” Dean asks. Looking at the angel for permission. He doesn’t need his permission but he still asks.

“Of course Dean. ” the angel answers right away. “I’ll watch over you.”

Dean goes to bed and tries not to think about the angel who is watching him. He closes his eyes and he remembers something. Something that always calms him. Something he forgot but now remembered. Something his mother always told him. 

The angels are watching over you.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean finds Cas in the motel parking lot. Sitting on a bench and just looking around. Like something important is going on. When he sees Dean he smiles.

“What happened to watching over me?” Dean asks and immediately regrets it. ‘Why did I just ask that?!’

“I am watching over you. I don’t have to be in the same place with you to make sure you are okay. I figured you wouldn’t want me there while you were sleeping.”

“Oh.” Dean says. “Where’s Sam?”

“Coroner’s office. Examining a body.” Cas sighs. Looking a little bit guilty. “Another one was found.”

“How many are there exactly?” Dean asked. He really was wondering. He wanted to do something too. He wasn’t useless.

“Four.” Cas says without looking at Dean. “All males. In thirties.”

“Do you know who or what kills them?” Dean asks and sits next to Cas.

“Sam thinks it might be a vampire but don’t agree.”

“Why?” 

“Because vampires don’t choose their victims. They just kill. But whatever we are dealing with only kills males.” Cas looks a bit worried now. 

“Whatever attacked you and hit you isn’t a vampire. If only you could remember.”

“If only.” Dean sighs. “Hey can I ask you something?”

“Yes Dean of course” Cas waits. But Dean doesn’t do anything. He just looks at his feet. He finally talks after a minute.

“Why was I in hell?”

Cas furrows and looks at him. Like trying to understand if Dean is ready to hear the answer. Then he smiles and looks away. “Not because you were a bad person. So don’t worry.”

“Well… why then?” Dean asks but he feels relieved to see the angel smile. It couldn’t be that bad.

“You sold you soul to a demon.” Cas says. Then he turns and looks at Dean again. Admire in his eyes. Dean feels a little uncomfortable and looks somewhere else.

Why would anyone sell their fucking souls to a demon? To get a new car? To be rich? Why? “Why did I do that?” he asks slowly but really doesn’t wanna know the answer.

“Your brother was dead. And you sold your own soul to bring him back. It wasn’t because you were bad Dean. It was because were too good.”Cas says softly. His voice is quiet and calming.

Oh. So he sold his soul for the sasquatch. He could live with that. He really liked that guy. He smiles and looks at Cas. “Thanks for saving me.”

“Don’t mention it. It was just an order. But-” Cas says but suddenly stops.

“But what?” Dean tries to get him to continue but Sam is suddenly there. Getting out of a car. If you could call that a car. Dean’s mouth drops open. A very sexy looking Chevrolet impala standing ten feet away from him. Sam is finally at his side but Dean doesn’t look at him.

“Hey. You okay?” Sam ask but Dean doesn’t take his eyes off the car. Sam laughs. “Nice, huh?”

“That is the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I think.” Dean breathes out.

“Of course you would think that. She is yours after all.” Sam says and Dean gets up and hugs him. That was the only good news he had heard today. Then he understands. Why he would he sell his soul for this guy. He really understands. Sam returns the hug and pats his back a few times. Dean wonders which one of them is older.

Sam steps away and turns to Cas. “Looks like you were right. This can’t be a vamp.”

“How do you know?” Cas asks, confused.

“Well one, this is yet another male. The victim. And he has a mark on his right shoulder. Like some kind of tattoo but it’s not. It’s a flower painted there just before or after thie murder. Two of the other victims have the same mark. Only one of them doesn’t. Two, they didn’t die at the same place. Vamps usually kill at the same place. But this is going against their rules.” Sam explains quickly.

Cas sighs and gets up. “Maybe I should search the town again.” Cas suggests. 

“Maybe. But I doubt you’ll find anything.” Sam says with a tired voice.

But Cas is suddenly gone. Dean looks around.

“You’ll get used to it.” Sam says before going back to their room. Dean follows.

Sam picks up his phone and starts dialing. 

“Who are you calling?” Dean asks.

“Someone who can help with the case. And of course your condition.” Sam says quickly before talking to the phone. “Hey Bobby. Listen there is something you need to know.” He says and leaves Dean alone in the room. Dean finds a bag with the letters ‘DW’ on it and assumes it’s his. He opens and looks inside. There is one handgun one knife three shirts and jeans. When his hand hits something that feels like a bottle he furrows as he grabs it. He forgets breathing for a while. He looks at the bottle of lube in his hand. What, this was his as well? The door opens and he throws the lube back into the bag. He turns to face Sam.

“Okay so umm Bobby says that we are not dealing with a vampire. He thinks he knows what this is. He is gonna look it up. And he says that you should be okay in a few days. I don’t know how can he be sure but we can trust him. You okay? You look like you’ve seen a-” Sam laughs. “I was gonna say ghost but I guess you would be happy about it.” 

“I’m fine yeah. Definitely. ” Dean says quickly. But his voice shakes. 

“You sure?”

“Yes. I am awesome. Just peachy.” 

“Fine, whatever.” Sam gives up and opens his laptop.

“I wanna help. You know uhh… with this hunt.” Dean says. He really doesn’t want to be useless. He could do something right? He had a gun. He had a knife. He doesn’t want to think about what else he had.

“Get better first Dean. You probably don’t even remember how to fight.” Sam says before looking back at the computer screen. 

“I think I do. I mean, I feel like I can kick your ass right now.” Dean says. He is also a little wittle bit angry because be obviously doesn’t like to be underestimated.

“You always feel like that.” Sam smiles.

“Oh yeah? Well I can prove it now. Come on.” Dean challenges and gestures Sam to come closer.

“Fine.” Sam says and gets up. He stops in front of Dean and looks at him for a moment.  
Dean smirks and throws a punch. Hits Sam and with his other hand he grabs a book. Sam grins and throws a punch but Dean stops the punch with the book. Sam hisses in pain and kicks Dean’s knee. Dean falls but he pulls Sam with him. Sam tries to kick him away but Dean uses his legs to hold him down. He sits on Sam’s knees. He puts his one arm against his brother’s throat and holds his wrists tightly with his other hand. Sam tries to move but finally gives up.

“You were saying?” Dean asks with a smirk and lets go of Sam. He gets up.

“Yeah yeah, you are a tough guy. Whatever.” Sam says but he smiles and gets up.  
He goes to the small fridge across the room and comes back with two bottles of beer. He hands one over to Dean. Dean smiles and opens the bottle.

“I defeated the devil. I defeated so many vampires and demons and shit like that. But I can’t defeat my big brother.” Sam jokes.  
Dean takes a sip from his beer proudly. He knew he was the older one. 

“So umm are we the only ones? I mean as siblings?” Dean asks, wants to know about his family.

“We had a younger brother. Half brother. But… he died last year.” Sam answers. Pain in his voice.

And no one sold their souls for him? Poor kid.

“What was his name?” Dean asks.

“Adam Milligan” Sam says. “He was twenty. I guess.”

“He died on a hunt?” 

“Umm no. Adam didn’t hunt. He died while stopping the apocalypse. Sacrificed himself to save us.” Sam explained.

Apocalypse. Right. Dean’s life was getting better and better. “Oh.”

“Found anything?” he hears Sam say and turns his head to find Cas.

“One of the old warehouses was angel-warded. I don’t think it is normal.” Cas says he looks a bit tired.

“Cas don’t tell me you tried to get in. You know it would only damage your grace.” Sam says and he sounds worried.

Dean looks at Cas who looks tired and sleepy. He feels like shit even looking at him. But he doesn’t understand why. Even though he doesn’t remember the guy, he feels connected to him. He feels like he knows him. He doesn’t feel like that for Sam though. And the guy is his brother. So why is Cas so important?

“I tried but I couldn’t get in. But I am fine now.” Cas says slowly and sits on one of the beds.

“Don’t do something like that again.” Sam warns him and looks at Dean for a moment before turning back to Cas. “We’ll go check it out tonight. But I think we may need help. Dean can fight but he still doesn’t know anything about hunting. I’m gonna need another hunter with me.”

“Good idea. You can call your friend who loves hugging people and hip-hop music so much. He would help.” Cas suggests and turns to Dean and smiles. Only then Dean realizes that he has been staring. He turns his head to Sam but not before smiling back to Cas.

Sam smiles to Cas’s comment and grabs his phone. He pats Cas on the shoulder before leaving the room.

When they are alone Cas looks back at Dean. “So you can fight, huh?”

“Yeah, we uhm…” Dean clears his throat “We had a little practise”

“It is good to know.” Cas says while slowly nodding. 

“Why can’t I go to hospital?” Dean asks. This had been bothering him since he heard he had a memory loss.

“Because you are on FBI’s ‘Wanted’ list.” Cas says like it is no big deal.

“Oh.” Dean doesn’t even want to think about how his face must look like. So, he was probably screwing or being screwed by some dude. He stopped the apocalypse. He was a demon hunter. He had lost a brother last year. He had been to hell. And he was on FBI’s wanted list. Awesome. He was a saint.

“So we are going to that warehouse tonight. You, me, Cas and a friend called Garth who was more than pleased to hear your condition.” Sam says and Dean just nods.

Awesome.


	3. Chapter 3

“Dean! Looking good man!” the guy literally screams before hugging Dean tightly. He is skinny and short. Well, not shorter or taller than Dean. He looks like he was born with that smile on his face which makes him adorable. His arms are freakishly tall and wrapped around Dean. It’s really uncomfortable at first but then Dean lets himself be hugged. Apparently this guy was his friend.

“And you too are… looking good… umm” Dean looks at Sam for help because he doesn’t remember the guys name.

“Garth.” Sam says with a really amused tone. Well Dean really can’t blame himself for forgetting the name now. ‘Garth? Really?’

“Well thanks for that. I was expecting you’d be furious but you are quite sweet instead.” Garth jokes and hugs him again. This guy was a demon hunter? Dean can hear Cas sigh heavily behind him.

Garth suddenly steps back and his eyes meets Cas’. “Are you still angry with me Cas? I apologized a thousand times. Stop beings such a girl.”

“We are not going to talk about it Garth. We have more important things to do right now. Like getting Dean’s memory back and finding out what’s going on in that warehouse.” Cas says with an angry tone. Dean suddenly feels curious. What was going on? Before he could ask anything he hears Sam’s voice.

“Cas can I talk to you outside?” He doesn’t wait for Cas’ answer though. He steps outside without a word. And with that Cas is gone too. Dean is never going to be okay with this disappearing thing is he? Probably not.

“What was that?” he asks Garth.

“Oh. It’s nothing trust me.” Garth says. “If I tell you I’m pretty sure he would smite me. So don’t ask.” Garth says and he really sounds scared.

“Not if I smite you first.” Dean grins.

“Nice try but no.”

Damn it.

“So you and I… we are close friends?” Dean asks. He needs to chance the subject before his curiosity eats him alive. He really wanted to know why would Cas be angry with this guy. In fact he wanted to know everything about Cas. Which was freaking him out.

“Umm. You could say that I guess. I sometimes help you guys. I feel close to you. You guys are like only friends I have. Which is sad but I don’t care. I love being a hunter. And I regret nothing. You have known me four a year now.” Garth explains and Dean can’t help but smile.

“I don’t think I have many friends either.” Dean says. And somehow he is sure of it. 

“Well you have Bobby and Sam. You have Cas. Oh and you have me.” Garth says. Dean finds himself wondering if any of them knew who he was screwing. But he sure as hell is not going to ask.

“Good to know.” He says quietly.

Sam and Cas come back in and Dean analyzes them quickly. Apparently Sam is the one who has been speaking because he is breathing faster now. He looks pained but not too much. The pained look turns into guilt when he looks at Dean. But only for a moment. And Cas looks like just someone stepped on a kitten in front of him. He looks hurt in many ways. But just like Sam he chances his expression too. Dean gulps. ‘What did Sam tell him?’

“I think we should move now. Garth is here and ready to help. There is no need to wait.” Cas says with an empty voice. Sam just nods.

“Mmm-hmm” Garth agrees. But Dean doesn’t say anything. He just stares at Sam accusingly. Sam doesn’t meet his eyes. He looks down to his feet like they are most interesting things in world. Dean finally nods. But still not saying anything.

After ten minutes of silence, they are all ready. They have shot guns with normal bullets. They have shot guns with rock salt bullets. They have silver knives and a demon blade. And Garth has something that looks like a massive fork.

“What?” he asks and smirks. “It’s fun to use.”

Cas flies them outside the warehouse. Looks angry when he looks at the building. Sam hands Dean over a spray paint and explain him what he must do. Dean nods and takes Garth with him as he enters the warehouse. They look for the signs that Cas draw each of their hands. It is not as easy as Dean thought it would be but they finally finish. It hardly takes twenty minutes.

Cas is finally there with them. They think the warehouse is empty but Cas senses something as soon as he come in. He looks constipated for a moment but then his eyes opens wide with surprise.

“There is something wrong. I just sensed something… well… not human. But it’s also very human. Like a mutant.” Cas says carefully. He looks straight at Dean like he has all the answers. Dean shrugs before looking at Sam. But Sam is looking at Garth with demanding eyes and Garth is looking at Cas. ‘Are you fucking kidding me?! We look like kids for God’s sake!’

Sam breaks the silence. “Where did you sense it? Or him? Or her? Whatever?!”

“Underground. ” Cas says simply.

“What?” Garth asks but more curious than surprised.

“I don’t know. It was for a short moment but I can’t feel it now.” Cas says. He sounds ashamed.

“Why would they ward this place against the angels then? If they are underground? How can you be so sure?” Sam frowns.

“Maybe they have something here that’s worth protecting.” Dean speaks for the first time. Sick of all the questions towards the angel as if he is supposed to know everything.

“Could be.” Sam says. “But this place is empty.”

“Maybe we should search. You know, to be sure.” Dean says. Well aware the bitch face he is giving his brother.  
Sam is suddenly very defensive. “What’s going on Dean?”

“Nothing I’m just suggesting something here. The angel is right. I mean I suppose he is. He is the one with the sensing ability. They are underground. And you are right too. Kind of. This place just looks empty. But I think we should make sure of it first.” Dean says with an angry voice. He doesn’t know why he is so angry though. Maybe it’s because of the fact that this is the second time that day that Sam has been a complete dick to Cas. What Dean doesn’t understand is why is he so protective about the angel.

Dean expects an angry respond or a punch but Sam just smiles sadly at him. Then he turns to Cas and mouths ‘Sorry’ and Cas nods in return.

“Okay then you and angel take this way and me and Sam that that way. We meet here.” Garth suggests not orders. They all agree and split up to search.

Dean is not sure what they are looking for so he thinks something out-of-the-ordinary will do. Cas is just walking. Not even walking around. ‘Something is wrong with him’ Dean thinks. But doesn’t ask what. He is too busy trying not to make eye contact with him and looking for something out-the-ordinary.

“Thanks, by the way. For defending me.” Cas says with a small voice. Dean takes a deep breath. ‘Damn that voice.’

“Don’t mention it. You said we are best friends. So I’m playing along.” Dean says. Cas stops and looks at him with an unreadable face. He looks… hurt.

“Playing along? So that’s what this is?” Shit.

Dean doesn’t know what to say. He just stares at the angel in front of him. He really can’t explain why he is so protective of him. More seconds pass more and the angel gets hurt. Dean wants to say something. Anything. But he can’t find to courage to open his mouth. He is afraid that he is going to make it worse. The angel suddenly takes a step back. His eyes at his feet. Dean can see that they are watery now.

“I-I umm… I'm sorry you feel that way Dean. You don’t need to act like you care about me.” Cas says but not looking at Dean. His voice is more hurt than his eyes. And Dean just wants to hold him and shake him. And kiss him. “I am going to see if Sam’s found something.”

And with that he is gone.

Dean stares at the floor a few minutes. His chest hurts like hell. His heart aching and his stomach clenching. He suddenly feels so heavy. His eyes burn but he bits his lips. ‘What the hell?’

But he already knows the answers. Cas was really important for him. Even if his mind doesn’t remember him, his body does. His heart does.

Dean assumes he had feelings for him. That he was in love with Cas. His best friend. At least Cas thought he was his best friend. So he was in love with Cas and Cas didn’t know about it. So Dean was gay? No. Bisexual, apparently. That would explain the lube. He was a stupid son of a bitch who was in love with his best friend. And he kept it as a secret. Then forgot all about it only to remember again. Now. Not before fucking breaking the angel’s heart. 

Fuck.

He wants to remember everything. He wants to fix this. But he doesn’t know how. So he just starts walking again. Looking for the others. Trying to ignore the fact that he just remembered he was an asshole and became one again immediately. 

He finds them by the exit door. He realizes they were waiting for him. “Where the hell were you?” Sam asks impatiently. But Dean doesn’t look at him. He looks at Cas who is looking anywhere but Dean. Pain is still there, in his eyes. Dean doesn’t know how he looks but Sam suddenly looks worried. “You okay man? You look, I don’t know… like old you.”

That doesn’t surprise Dean given the fact that he just realized that he was in love with the angel. Of course he would look like he was before.

“I’m fine. You got anything?” he asks, trying not to sound like how he feels.

“Nope. But now we got a lead. The drains. It’s the only thing underground.”

Dean just nods. He really doesn’t want to think about anything right now. He just want to sleep. He wants unconsciousness.

Cas still doesn’t look at him as he flies them back to the motel room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the mistakes. I was in a hurry :(


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey Cas. Are you okay?” Sam asks later that day. They are in the motel room. Garth and Sam are doing research and Dean is watching TV. Cas is reading a book. But he really doesn’t look like he is reading anything. He hasn’t tuned a page for god’s sake. Dean knows that because he isn’t actually watching TV.

“Of course I am okay Sam. Why wouldn’t I be?” Cas answers. He closes the book and turns to Sam. Even though he is a freaking angel he looks really tired. Sam seems to notice that.

“You look tired and restless.” Sam accuses. 

“I’m just disappointed. I thought we would find something in that warehouse.” Cas says. Still not looking at Dean like Dean is going to kill him if he does.

“Well we did find something.” Sam gets up from the chair and sits next to Cas. Puts one hand on his shoulder. Dean is watching them now. He trusts Sam but Sam has actually hurt Cas twice that day. But at that moment he was his friend. “We have a lead now. That is something. Right?”

“Yes but I am not satisfied. I am going to search the place again.” Cas says to Sam and gets up. Something in that sentence alerts Dean. Dean jumps up.

“On your own?” Dean asks. He can’t help but worry. Angel or not he is not going to let Cas go to that warehouse on his own.

Cas finally looks at him. Actually he looks right into him. Dean feels his hands shaking. They look at each other for a while and Cas finally answers.

“That is my intention, yes.” Cas says but he sounds empty. No emotion on his voice. 

“You are not going alone.” Dean says without thinking. “It is dangerous.”

“I will be fine. I know how to take care of myself. I know how fight too.” Cas says.

“It still doesn’t change the fact that it’s dangerous.” Dean shouts, feeling his heart plummet at the thought of Cas having to fight with some monster. Thought of him getting hurt. Thought of him getting hurt when Dean is not there to save him.

Cas sighs but he doesn’t say anything. He looks like he could kill someone right now. But he also looks so vulnerable. Sam breaks the silence. 

“He is right Cas. It’s really dangerous and you are not as strong as you were before. Let him help you. He could go with you.” Sam says, suddenly next to Cas. He sounds like he wants to help. Dean nods but he doesn’t look at Sam he looks at Cas. ‘You are not as strong as you were before?’

Cas sighs again but he doesn’t argue. Instead he walks right into Dean’s personal space and they are suddenly in the warehouse. And Cas walks away from him again. He gestures Dean to follow him. But Dean just stands there looking at Cas. Cas realizes and turns back to face him.

“What is wrong with you? Huh?” Dean asks trying not to sound like a pissed girlfriend.

Cas gets into his personal space again. Only a feet away from him now. He doesn’t answer Dean’s question.

“Is this why you came here? To ask questions?” Cas asks. His voice is not empty anymore. He sounds hurt and angry at the same time.

“I came here to make sure you’ll be okay.” Dean says immediately.

“Why?” Cas asks more hurt than before.

“I care about you.” Dean answers. Cas flinches at the answer. He takes a step back and Dean takes one ahead.

“You do? Is this a part of you ‘playing along’?” Cas says looking at Dean’s eyes with both adoration and fear. At that moment Dean does not care about the fucking warehouse or monsters. He cares about deep blue and hurt eyes before him. He cares about the man he is in love with.

“I remember you.” He admits. He realizes he whispered that. Like giving a secret. 

Cas’ eyes are suddenly full of hope. “What do you remember?” he whispers too.

Dean just stares at him for a second. Did Cas know about his love for him before Dean had amnesia? What if he didn’t have any idea? How would he take it? Dean is suddenly really afraid.

“I remember that you are important to me. But in different way.” Dean says after a moment of silence. He looks at Cas with fear. He hopes that Cas gets the point. He relaxes when he sees Cas’ smile. Small but intense. 

“Is that why you are playing along?” Cas asks but he is not hurt anymore, not like before anyway. He tilts his head to his side. Eyes curious. 

“I don’t play along. I don’t know why I said that. I didn’t think that you would… react like that.” Dean admits again.

“So you didn’t act like you care about me? You actually cared about me?” Cas says. He looks like he about to cry but he doesn’t sound hurt. 

“I still care about you” Dean whispers before closing the space between them.

He doesn’t know what to expect. He doesn’t know if the angel loves him back. But the angel doesn’t complain. He lets Dean cup his face and he wraps his arms around Dean’s waist. Pulls him closer. One of Dean’s hands move from Cas’ face to his hair. Cas finally opens his mouth and lets Dean’s tongue in. The kiss isn’t gentle anymore. It’s passionate and painful. It’s beautiful and messy. It’s familiar. More familiar than Dean thought it would be.

They finally pull back and breathe. Their forehead resting against each other. Dean is happy but confused. Happy because Cas’ arms are still wrapped around his waist and his own arms are around Cas’ neck.

Confused because the kiss was way too familiar. 

He opens his eyes to look at the angel. His angel. Cas is trying to catch his breath. His eyes are closed but watery. His whole face red, lips swollen and hair is messy. He finally opens his eyes and looks up to Dean. He is beautiful. Too beautiful, too soft, too precious and too familiar. Dean smiles. His arms are still around Cas’ neck. 

Cas smiles back with a smile that Dean has never seen. A smile that hurts and warms up Dean’s heart. A smile Dean would kill and die to see again.

“That was familiar.” Dean says with a small voice. “I’m assuming this was not our first kiss.”

“It wasn’t.” Cas says simply.

“Were we-” Dean can’t finish his sentence but Cas gets it. He nods.

“Oh.”  
They were together? What the hell? Why didn’t anyone tell him? Why didn’t Cas tell him?  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dean finds himself asking. 

“You were hurt. And confused. You didn’t remember who you were. And if I told you that we were together-” Cas stops. He really sounds hurt now. Dean feels his heart sink. “I was afraid. Afraid of how you would react. I was afraid that you wouldn’t want me. That you would even hate me.”

Dean let out a soft sigh. Why would Cas think that? Why would he see himself like he doesn’t matter. He apparently is not aware of how important he is, how precious he is to Dean.

Dean woke up with amnesia and the first think he thought when he saw Cas was how beautiful and angelic he was. His body remembered Cas when his mind didn’t. He immediately knew Cas was different didn’t he?

“You are an idiot.” Dean says. “Do you know what I thought about you when I first saw you? With the amnesia of course.”

Cas shakes his head and waits.

“I thought ‘Oh shit! That dude is beautiful.’ Beautiful, Cas. Beautiful! No one thinks that about a guy they just saw.” Dean says with a smile.

Cas’ eyes fills with surprise and he chuckles.

“And do you know why acted like that? The answer wasn’t ‘playing along’. Do you want to know what it was?”

Cas waits.

“I felt… protective of you. When someone, Sam, acted like that to you I just… I don’t know, I felt like I needed to defend you. I didn’t even know why. And I got scared when you asked me why I acted like that and I said I was just playing along. I didn’t think that that would hurt you so much. I’m sorry.” Dean says quickly. The moment he stops talking he feels Cas’ lips on his own. He feels relaxed and he returns the kiss. 

“You are more than forgiven.” Cas says when they pull away. “It’s romantic you know?”

“What is?”

“You, remembering me.” 

Dean smiles. He looks at the beautiful angel. He finds himself wondering how he ended up with him. How did this happen? How did Cas become the center of his life? Not that he is complaining but how?

“Well I am romantic.” Deans says after the long staring. Cas didn’t even move when Dean got lost in his eyes.

“No you are not.” Cas says with a chuckle.

“I can’t be that bad?” Dean says but that sounds like a question.

“Bad? No, no. Try… the best.” Cas says with a serious voice. 

“Good” Dean says before kissing him again.

He pulls back when his phone goes off. He lets go of Cas and suddenly feels empty but Cas holds his hand and Dean smiles. 

“Dean, the phone” Cas reminds him. 

Oh. Right.

“Sammy?” Dean answers and he sees Cas smile to the word ‘Sammy’. Apparently he used to call Sam ‘Sammy’.

Dean can imagine Sammy’s smile right now.

“Dean we found something. You guys should stop searching that place and come here now.” 

Search. Right. Like that’s what they have been doing.

“Okay we’ll be there in a second.” Dean answers before hanging up. “We gotta go. He said he’s found something” Dean says waiting for Cas to fly him back.

“Dean?” Cas asks with a hesitant voice.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell Sam about what happened here. We searched the place. Okay?”

Dean is confused. He still doesn’t know what’s going on between Cas and Sam. He still doesn’t know why Sam acts like a dick to Cas. He still doesn’t know what they talked about and why it upset Cas so much. 

He sighs and nods. They are back at the motel room a second later.

“How was searching?” Garth asks Dean.

“We didn’t find anything.” Dean says. 

He looks at Cas and smiles. They should do more searching later.


	5. Chapter 5

“A shape shifter?” Dean asks.

“Yes. I mean it makes sense you know.” Sam answers. They are at the motel room trying to figure out what they are dealing with. Apparently Sam has an idea.

“Well I don’t know what that is. You are gonna have to explain.” Dean demands. Still have no idea what a shape shifter is.

“Well they hide underground. They choose their victims. We took one out five years ago.” Sam explains.

“They can chance into anything. They don’t have a real form. They are well… ‘Shape shifters.’” Garth adds.

“You are telling me that this could be anything. It could change into another monster? Like I don’t know… a vampire?” Dean asks again.

“It’s not that simple. No. They are simple creatures with simple intentions. They only kill for joy. They can only change their appearances.” Cas talks for the first time since they are back.

“So it can change into me and kill someone?” Dean asks and Sam laughs.

“Well I’m sorry to break this to you Dean but the one with took out has already done that. You killed him but not before the cops showed up. You are a wanted killer. Sorry.” Sam says with a big smirk on his face.

Great. Now at least he knows why the FBI is on his ass.

“You are telling me that this thing actually ruined my life?”

“Not this one, no. But ruining life? I can’t argue with that.”

Garth gets up and hugs Dean. Seriously?!

“It’s okay bro. We are here for you. Let it out. Come on.” Garth murmurs as Dean tries to pull away.

“I think he is doing fine Garth.” Cas says, somehow threatening. Dean smiles.

Garth finally pulls back and smiles. He turns to Cas and winks at him. Cas rolls his eyes and looks away.

“But we are not sure that this is a shape shifter. Right?” Dean asks to Sam again.

“No we are not. But it’s something.”

“How do we find it?” Cas asks.

“They usually hide underground. Drains mostly.” Sam answers.

“Okay. I will search them. Give me a minute.” Cas says and before he could fly away Dean holds his wrist.

“Alone?” Dean asks. He is well aware of the concern in his voice but he doesn’t care.

“Yes.” Cas nods. “It’ll only take a minute.”

“I thought we agreed that you wouldn’t go anywhere on your own Cas?” Sam says as he makes his way to Cas.

Cas’ face suddenly changes. He is not calm anymore. He is pissed for some reason Dean doesn’t know.

“Do I look like a child Sam?” he asks. His voice is under control. But Dean can sense the anger as well as the others.

“I didn’t say that Cas. You know what I mean.” Sam says taking a step forward. 

Okay, what the hell is going on with these two?!

“Then why are you acting like this? Like I am not capable of taking care of myself.” Cas asks again. This time his voice is not under control. He sounds hurt and angry.

Dean tightens his grasp on his wrist.

“I am trying to protect you Cas. You know that. You know that I can’t let y-” Sam stops. He looks at Dean. “We can’t talk here. Outside.” He orders.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute. No body’s going anywhere. What the hell is going on with you two? One minute you are BFF’s. The next minute you are at each other’s throats. What’s going on?” Dean shouts. He lets go of Cas and stands between them. Garth sighs but doesn’t say anything.  
Sam just stares down at Dean. He looks guilty and accusing at the same time. Dean knows he is hiding something. Sam and Cas. They are both hiding something and Dean can’t deal with that anymore. Now that he learned that Cas was his… boyfriend. Ugh. He has to find another word for that.

Cas takes a step back. He looks at Sam and turns to Dean. “It is nothing Dean.”

“No it’s not nothing Cas! What are you not telling me?” Dean shouts again.

“He is right Dean. It really is nothing. We are just- worried and confused.” Sam says and puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean calms down a little bit but he doesn’t give up.

“But not about me.” He turn to meet Sam’s confused eyes.

“What do you mean?” Sam asks lets go of Dean’s shoulder.

“You don’t worry about me Sammy. You are more worried about the angel here. Don’t you think that’s a little weird? I hit my head and woke up with amnesia but you don’t worry about me. You worry about him.” Dean says. His voice is calm but full of emotions. He doesn’t know what is happening. He doesn’t know why ‘Sammy’ his so protective of ‘his’ angel. But he is so confused to be jealous.

“I have my reasons.” Sam says. His voice is soft and calming. Dean sighs and looks at Cas who looks more confused than anybody else in the room. Then Dean gets it. Whatever Sam was hiding, Cas didn’t know. He had no clue.

Cas blinks and takes one more step back. And suddenly he is gone. Sam and Dean both sigh. They look at each other for a while. Dean tries to understand the situation.

His brother was hiding something from him. And Cas didn’t know anything about it either. Sam was acting like a dick because he was trying to protect Cas. But from what? Why?

Garth coughs. “I think you just pissed off the angel.” He jokes. But Dean doesn’t find it amusing. He glares at Garth.

“Dean can I talk to you outside?” Sam says quickly. He rushes out of the room and Dean follows him.

“Okay, dude. What the hell?” Dean asks once they are at the motel parking lot.

“There are things you don’t know about You and Cas. Things you don’t remember.” Sam says, trying to sound normal as possible.

“I know. We are together. He is my… boyfriend.” Dean says.

“You remember that huh?” Sam asks. He doesn’t sound surprised so Dean assumes this conversation won’t be about Cas and Dean ‘dating’. There was something else Dean didn’t know.

“But that is not what I am talking about.” Sam says slowly.

“Then what are talking about.” Dean gets impatient.

“Cas is falling Dean.” Sam says with a careful voice.

Falling? What the hell is he talking about? Dean suddenly feels worried. What is happening to Cas? To his angel? 

“He is becoming a human. Slowly. One of these days he is going to lose his ability to smite monsters. I am not sure when but he will. We promised Dean. We promised each other that we would take care of him. But then you suddenly don’t even remember anything about him and I- I thought Cas would do something stupid. You know, going after the monster all by himself. If something happens to him-” Sam gulps. “I know what would do that to you Dean. I had to look out for him.”

Dean freezes. Sam was just trying to protect Cas because Dean wouldn’t? Dean feels his chest warming up. He had the best brother in the world. Who would do that for anyone?!

Dean smiles.

“Besides, he is my friend. Okay probably best friend. And now he is falling and he doesn’t have any idea what’s it like to be human. He can’t fight without his angel mojo. It’s too dangerous. He is an idiot you know.”

“Yeah I know.” Dean sighs. “Why is he falling?”

“Because he chose you.” Sam smiles.

“What?” Cas is falling because of Dean? 

“He chose to be with you. He chose to stop the apocalypse. He chose to stay here with you.” Sam says like it’s nothing. Like it’s okay for angel to fall because of Dean.

“How is that good?” Dean grunts.

“He could be in heaven with his brothers and sisters right now. But he wouldn’t be Cas. He would be just another dick.” Sam laughs.

“Angels are dicks?” Dean asks with wide eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what you call them. Because they are. They stared the apocalypse. They tried to end the world. Trust me Dean. Cas is fine with us.” Sam assures Dean.

Dean suddenly feels sick. Cas said he’d be back in a minute. So where was he?

Dean says nothing and runs back to the motel room. He finds Garth alone watching TV. Sam is suddenly behind him. Garth jumps up. Ready for a fight because he has no idea what is happening.

“He said a minute. That it will take a minute. Where is he?” Dean asks not even trying to hide his concern. He looks at Sam with wide eyes waiting for an answer.

This is his fault. He scared Cas away. He should’ve gone with him. He could’ve talked to Sam later.

“He should have been back by now.” Sam says. He grabs the car keys and tosses them to Dean. Seconds later they are in the impala.

‘Cas, you stupid son of a bitch!’


	6. Chapter 6

“I think we should check the warehouse first.” Sam says. He tries to hide his concern but Dean can hear it very well.

“We should probably, you know check the drains. He said he that he was gonna search the drains.” Garth says from the back seat.

“Yeah you are right. But I’m pretty sure he would start from there.” Sam turns to Garth. Garth nods in agreement. 

Dean doesn’t say anything. He is not sure what he’s going to sound like, so he shuts up and drives to the warehouse. Shit, he didn’t know it was this far. Sam turns back to him.

“We are going to find him Dean.” He says, looking at Dean’s shaking hands on the steering wheel. “He does this. You know. Putting himself in danger. But he always comes through. I’m sure he is fine. Even if he finds th-”

“Not helping Sammy.” Dean says, his voice shaking.

“All I’m saying is, keep yourself together, man. We’ll find him.” He says. Then he closes his eyes and starts talking. Dean is pretty sure that he is talking to himself.

“What are you doing?” he can’t help but ask.

“Praying to him.”

“Praying for him?!” Dean shouts. What happened to ‘He is going to be okay.’ And ‘We’ll find him’. Sam was the only optimist right now and Dean needed that. But apparently Sam didn’t think Cas was going to be okay, he was just hoping.

“Praying TO him Dean. He can hear us when we pray to him. Maybe he’ll come.” Sam shouts back. But he doesn’t sound angry.

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” Dean asks. This sounds like a good thing.

“I wasn’t thinking. Sorry.” Sam says. “You try.”

“Do I have to talk out loud?” Dean asks with a hesitant voice.

“What are you? A kid?”

Dean doesn’t answer that. He parks the car and gets out. He looks at the warehouse with threatening eyes. Then he walks away from Sam and Garth, he closes his eyes and prays.

‘Cas? Look I don’t know if you can hear me or anything but I need you buddy. Where are you man? You said that it would only take a minute. What the hell? I need to know if you are okay. Please just, wherever you are, come back. You are scaring me man! Don’t be like this. Please just… be okay.’

He sighs and opens his eyes. No Cas around. He walks back to Sam and Garth. Sam looks at him with pained eyes. But he doesn’t say anything. He just takes a deep breath and hands Dean a flash light. 

They look down to see a canalization door. Sam opens it and they climb down. Dean goes first. He looks around. There are two sidewalks on both sides and filthy water between them. They are standing on one of the sidewalks. 

Dean covers his nose because this place stinks. He sees Garth placing his hand to his mouth like he is about to vomit. Sam just makes a disgusted voice. They finally start to move.

They look at every tunnel as they walk and call Cas’ name. They walk for twenty minutes. Dean starts to think that they are wasting their time, that Cas is somewhere else and probably in pain. Dean doesn’t even want to think about the other possibility. 

“We should split up. It’ll be faster.” Dean says and Sam nods.

“Be careful.” Sam says to Dean and takes Garth with him and leaves Dean alone. 

“Cas!” Dean shouts. His voice sounds more desperate than ever.

No respond.

He walks some more, but just when he is about to give up he hears something. A grunt. He starts running towards the voice. He can hear Cas now. 

Then he sees him. His hands tied up and face beat up. He has cuts on his face and arms and he looks like shit. Dean doesn’t remember how he got there when he is next to Cas. Cas looks at him with threatening eyes for a second but then his eyes soften and he smiles sadly. “Y-You found m-me.” He whispers, his voice thick. Dean curses inside.

“Of course I found you Cas. But don’t talk, okay. You are going to be okay, I’m going to get you out of here. You are going to be just fine.” He murmurs as he unties him. His wrists are bloody.

“Can you walk?” Dean asks, but he is ready to carry him.

“Yeah. We should get out of here now. B-before…” he tries to say but then he stops talking immediately. Eyes fixed on something on Dean’s back.

Dean turns around to see the monster. But he sees himself. A very scary and serious version of himself standing in front of him. He has a smirk on his face and a threatening look. Only then Dean understands what a ‘shape shifter’ is.   
He steps in front of Cas to protect him. The monster laughs and jumps on him. He starts to punch him. Dean feels his nose break but he can’t make a sound. He just kicks the monster and causes him to drop next to him. He punches the monsters face and grabs his throat but before he could do anything he is on his back again. The monster punches him again and again. He hears Cas shouting his name, but he can’t do anything. He feels like he is about to pass out but the monster stops. He gets up and walks towards Cas. 

No.

Dean is on his feet again. He jumps on the monster and slams him against the wall. His whole body protests in pain but he doesn’t care. He knows if he lets the monster go, he is going to hurt Cas. And Dean is not going to let that happen. 

Even if it kills him. 

He holds the monster tight but the monster is not giving up. He kicks Dean again and tries to make his way to Cas but Dean holds him again. They fall on the ground and Dean holds the monsters legs. He gets kicked in the face but he doesn’t let go. His vision is blurry but he is not crying. It’s probably blood but he can’t feel his face. He hears Sam’s voice but he doesn’t do anything.

He hears a gunshot and it’s suddenly over. The monster doesn’t fight him anymore but he can’t see if he is dead. He can’t see anything but blood. Then he feels the pain. Much more than he expected. His face and his ribs are in pain the most but he can’t ignore the pain in the back of his head.

He feels strong arms around him. “Cas?” Was he okay? Was he safe?

“I’m here Dean.” He hears Cas say. His voice sound hurt. Like he is about to cry.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Dean asks and opens his eyes to look at him. Cas looks okay but he also looks terrible.

“I’m fine Dean, I’m fine.” He cries. Dean tries to find his hand and Cas realizes what he is trying to do and holds his hand. “I’m gonna make it okay Dean. You will be okay. I’m gonna make the pain go away.”

And he does just that. The pain is gone and Dean can see better. Even his head feels fine. He looks up to Cas, who is smiling now. His face is healed too. Dean cups his cheeks and kisses him. They hear a cough. 

“Glad you guys are okay but maybe we should go huh? So I don’t puke?” Garth says. They all know that he isn’t talking about the smell.

Cas flies them back to the Impala and sits next to Dean. 

“Hey Cas?” Sam leans forward so he has a eye contact with Cas. “How was that shape shifter able to hold you? I mean… you are an angel.”

Dean feels his body tense but he waits for Cas’ answer. Cas looks down at his his hands, ashamed.

“The rope was soaked in holy oil. That’s why I wasn’t able to heal myself or fly away. I heard your prayers but I wasn’t able to reach you.” Cas says, his hands are shaking and his voice is hurt.

Dean holds one of his hands and squeezes gently. Cas looks at him and smiles sadly.

Dean doesn’t ask why would holy oil affect him. It would only hurt Cas again. So Dean tightens his hold and drives back to the motel.

Sam and Garth go back to the room but Dean and Cas stay in the car.

“Don’t you ever do that again. You hear me?” Dean says. He still can’t get rid of the sick feeling of losing Cas. Shit.

“I thought I would be okay. I was just looking around. Then I turned around and I saw you. I didn’t think- I didn’t know what it was, he was acting just like you. But then-” Cas says but suddenly stops. He takes a deep breath and continues. “then he came at me and I didn’t fight back. I still didn’t know if it was you or not. But then he said that the angels were overrated. Then I realized it wasn’t you. Because you wouldn’t say something like that. You wouldn’t hurt me like that. And you didn’t remember anything about the holy oil.”

Dean just looks at him for a moment. He leans forward and kisses him again. “Like I said, don’t do that again.”

“My apologies.”

‘My apologies?’ Dean smiles a little.

“Thank you for uhhmm… saving me.” Cas says after a small silence.

“Yeah well, you know-” Dean starts to say but Cas interrupts. “Yeah I know.”

“I just, couldn’t let him hurt you Cas.” Dean says, his eyes are burning.

“Maybe you should have.” Cas whispers. 

Dean sighs. “Trust me Cas, it would hurt me much more if you were the one who got hurt.” 

He was serious. Seeing Cas like that, tied up and beat up, Dean realized something. He would die for Cas. Not just to save him but also to make sure he is safe and he is okay. He would give anything to make him smile even if he can’t be there to see it. 

Cas frowns. “I know the feeling.”

Then Dean understands what he means. All those things he was feeling for Cas, Cas was feeling exactly the same for him. 

Dean smiles and opens his arms. Cas leans in and rests his head on Deans chest. Dean wraps his arms around Cas and holds him tight. He swears to himself that he is never going to let him go. Never.

They stay like that for a while.


	7. Chapter 7

They decide that the hunt is not over yet. Neither of them is convinced. But there is nothing to do so they are at the motel room being lazy as possible. Garth is sleeping like a baby on one of the beds and Sam is watching a TV show that looks like boring as shit. Cas is resting his head on Dean’s lap and reading a history book. Dean is reading his dad’s journal. Everything is normal until Dean asks a question.

“What was our dad like?”

Sam turns to him and shrugs. “He was not a normal dad that’s for sure. He was forced into this life you know. He lost the love of his life and just kinda you know- lost it.”

Dean feels sorry for the guy. The journal has nothing on Mary’s death but Dean can imagine it. He can imagine the pain. He shifts uncomfortably and Cas looks up to him from his book. They stare at each other for a while. Dean feels good enough to answer then. “How did mom die? What happened to her?” 

“When they were young a demon killed dad. She made a deal with him to bring dad back. Dad came back to life with no idea what happened and they got married. Ten years later the demon came back to close the deal. He killer her and disappeared. Dad became a hunter to get revenge. He raised us to become hunters. To get our mothers revenge.” Sam explains quickly. His voice thick with emotions.

Cas is listening them with curious eyes. His book closed on his chest.

“We did right? We got our revenge?” Dean asks.

“Yeah, well that’s kinda complicated. We were in a car crash once, trying to get to the demon and you were pretty hurt. Actually I’m not gonna sugar coat it, you were dying. And dad sold his soul to save you. The demon- yes the same demon- killed him. We hunted him for a year then I got kidnapped by him and you found me, which I still have no idea how, but you were kinda late. I got stabbed and died. You sold your soul for me and the demon gave you a year to live- no not the same demon- then ‘the’ demon opened the gates of hell and you killed him.” Sam says quickly again with a grin on his face as if he is enjoying Dean’s questions.

“I think our family just loves selling their souls for each other, when is your turn Sam?” Dean jokes. Sam sighs. “Then a year later I died and went to hell right?” Dean asks.

Sam nods. “Yeah, and by the way I did try to bring you back. Okay? Anyway I wasn’t the one who brought you back. He is the one ‘who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition’.” Sam looks at Cas with soft eyes.

“That’s how you joined the family huh?” Dean asks Cas.

Cas smiles. “You didn’t think so at the time.”

“What do you mean?” Dean asks again.

“Well you summoned me and tried to kill me.” Cas says simply.

What? Really? Shit.

“Why did I do that?” Dean couldn’t help but ask.

“Because he burnt one of our friends eyes off.” Sam says. There is a hidden pain in his voice, Dean is pretty sure that ‘the friend’ is not alive anymore. Dean looks at Cas with disbelief.

“What? I didn’t mean to- she tried to summon me with my true form. She saw my true form. I tried to warn her.” Cas tries to explain.

Of course Dean believes him. It was probably Dean’s fault anyway. “Shh, I believe you.” He leans down and kisses the angel’s forehead.

“Why did you save me anyway?” he asks Cas.

“I was given an order. You were chosen.” Cas smiles.  
“C-chosen?” he asks because, what the hell?

“A demon named Lilith was trying to start the apocalypse. My garrison was ordered to raise you from hell to get you ready, you were Micheal’s true vessel and he was the only one who could stop Lucifer. The angels had a different plan though, they didn’t want to stop the apocalypse they wanted to win, they wanted Micheal to kill Lucifer and bring heaven down to earth.” Cas explains softly, his eyes on Dean’s as he plays with Dean’s necklace. 

Dean realizes that he is referring the angels as ‘they’ not ‘we’. He smiles. Apparently Cas was on their side. “Then what happened?”

“They gave up on you. They found Adam.” Sam says simply and Cas continues.

“Your brother said yes to Micheal. Lucifer and Micheal were about to face each other when we showed up. They got angry of course.” Cas stops as he remembers something.

“Then?” Dean encouraged him to continue.

“From what I’ve heard you got trough to him somehow and he opened the door to Lucifer’s cage and jump in but not before taking Lucifer down with him.” Cas says.

“From what you’ve heard?” Dean asks. “Weren’t you there?”

“I was at first but umm… Micheal killed me.” Cas hesitates.   
Wha-

“What do you mean killed you?” Dean asks because, fuck.

Sam chuckles. “You and arrive there, trying to talk Adam out of it and all and then this genius-” he points at Cas. “shows up with a holy-fire-molotov in his hand he goes all ‘Hey assbutt!’ to Micheal. To friggin’ Micheal! And just throws it, Micheal disappears for a while and Lucifer kills Cas.” Sam says, still laughing.

Dean glares at him. “How’s that funny?!” he practically shouts. Sam’s smile disappears but now Cas is laughing.

Are you kidding me?!

“Who brought you back?” Dean asks him. Cas stops laughing.

“God.” He says simply. 

“Oh.” Dean is surprised that he didn’t beg a demon to bring him back.

“Besides, it was the second time for me.” Cas says with a sad smile.

Dean doesn’t want to talk about this. He wants to forget what he’d heard. But then he remembers something, and starts laughing. “Assbutt? Really?” he asks.

“I didn’t know how to curse Dean.” Cas smiles.

“I can teach you if you want.” Dean jokes. Leans down and brushes their lips together. Sam clears his throat.

“You can always book another room. You know- so I don’t get traumatized.” Sam says with a half serious voice.

Cas blushes and turns to Sam. “Fuck you, Sam.” He says with a smile.

“Very good.” Dean laughs and Sam rolls his eyes.

“Dean, ask him why he’s pissed at Garth.” Sam says but he’s looking at Cas with a bitch-face.  
Cas blushes again and shifts uncomfortably. Dean holds him so he doesn’t get up. He wants to know the answer because he was curious about it like, forever.

“Why?” he asks Cas. Cas looks at Sam with angry eyes before turning back to Dean.

“We were celebrating after a successful ‘Salt N’ burn’and Garth showed up too. You and I were just got together and you got pretty drunk that night. And Garth tried to set you up with the bartender.” Cas confesses. He looks adorable. Dean realizes something.

“You were jealous?” he asks slowly feeling a new warmth in his chest.

Cas just shrugs and Dean kisses him again. “It’s okay Cas, that’s normal. And besides I’m pretty sure I wasn’t interested.” 

“You weren’t.” Cas agrees.

“You punched Garth and didn’t tip the bartender.” Sam informs him, a smile hidden on his face.

“Of course I did.” Dean says and laughs. He punched Garth because he tried to set him up with a bartender. Apparently he was a pretty angry person. Maybe he just got angry because Cas got offended. Yep. Probably. He smiles and looks down at Cas who is already looking at him with adoring eyes.

“Are you always that jealous?” he asks Cas. Cas smiles and nods with embarrassment.

Dean chuckles.

“Well I wouldn’t judge him Dean. You are pretty much jealous of him from Balthazar yourself. ” Sam says and immediately catches Dean’s interest. 

“Who’s Balthazar?” he finds himself asking Cas.

Cas sighs and rolls his eyes. “He’s my friend.”

“An angel?”

“Yes, from my garrison. I thought he was dead, I grieved his death but as it turns out he’d just faked his own death to run away. We found him this year.” He says.

Oh yes Dean really doesn’t like this guy. “How?”

“It is not of import.” Cas tries to avoid the subject but Dean doesn’t let him. He raises his eye brows and waits. Cas sighs again. 

“With Micheal gone, I am practically the new sheriff in town. But there is another angel who wants to be the umm ‘sheriff’. Raphael. It’s civil war up there. And we-” he gestures Dean “- tracked down an angel who has been stealing weapons. We found Balthazar. As it turns out Raphael wanted the weapons and used us to track down the angel. Balthazar knew that I wouldn’t survive a ‘one to one’ with Raphael. So he helped me.”

Okay this is too much. Cas has been fighting with a teenage mutant ninja angel for heaven? He wouldn’t survive a one to one? Balthazar was helping him? What was Dean for? 

“Why don’t you just let Raphael rule the heaven?” he asks with a concerned voice. Heaven wasn’t more important than Cas’ life.

“And let him bring back the apocalypse? I don’t think so. I can’t let that happen. With your help I can win this.” Cas says with a calming voice. “In fact I am winning.”

“How?” Dean doesn’t believe him because he is becoming more and more human every day. How could he take down Raphael.

“My army is bigger, we have the weapons and we have God. I believe he is watching me, helping me. And we have the Winchesters.” Cas winks at him.

Dean calms down a little. Bigger army was good. Weapons were always good. He nodded. 

“I am a soldier Dean, I have fought these kinds of battles centuries before you were born.” Cas smiles.

Dean froze. Was he serious? Shit.

“Still, here you are. On my lap.” Dean jokes. He feels better now because he knows that this Raphael is going down. They are taking him down together. Cas is not alone in this.

“It took me long enough to find you.” Cas says with a serious tone.

Dean leans down to kiss him again.


	8. Chapter 8

“We have another victim.” Garth says.

Sam, Dean and Cas are having dinner when Garth joins them with bad news. 

“Are you sure?” Sam asks. Garth looks at him with what can only be assumed as disappointed eyes.

“Richard McGillicuddy. An attorney. Has- had- a wife and two kids. His neighbor found him in his garage. He has a hole on his neck and all of his blood is sucked out.” Garth explains.

“That sounds like the shape shifter.” Cas says slowly. He is sitting next to Dean.

“Apparently you guys were right. There was more than one of them.” Garth says again. 

“Okay then, let’s finish up get to work. I’ll take Cas and we’ll take a look at the body. You go with Garth and ask people about the murder.” Sam says to Dean.

“Why do I go with Garth?” Dean asks with an almost pained voice. “Why can’t I go with Cas?”

“Because Cas is pretty good at examining the bodies. And for that we are going to have to pretend we are CDC. And I don’t trust you with that. You are already on th-” Sam says but Dean cuts him off.

“Okay okay, I suck. Whatever.” Dean says, making Cas smile.

“Let’s go Cas.” Sam says and Cas gets up. He kisses Dean before they go. 

Dean looks at his food like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. He doesn’t want to work with Garth. He doesn’t want to talk to people. He frowns.

“Oh come on, I’m not that bad.” Garth says, as if he’s just read Dean’s mind. 

“I didn’t say that. I just, you know, I could pretend I was CDC.” Dean murmurs.

“No ‘they’ are good at it. You and I my friend-” he gets up and puts his hat on. “we were born to interrogate.”

“Right.” Dean says and he gets up too.

He pays for the dinner and they get out. They don’t talk much but once they are in the Impala, Garth can’t hold back anymore.

“I love your car man! She is gorgeous.” Garth practically screams.

Dean chuckles. He kinda likes the compliment.

“Yeah, she is burning up, isn’t she?” Dean smiles. “My baby roars.”

“Did you just say ‘baby’?” Garth grins.

Did he? He doesn’t know why he said that.

“I think I did. Anyway. Are we here?” Dean asks, looking around.

“Yes, this is the address.”

They ring the door bell but Dean suddenly panics. What the hell are they going to say to these people? They were grieving. Why would they answer their questions?

Before Dean could say anything, the door opens and a really good looking woman stands before them. Her eyes are red and there is a tissue in her hand, she is wearing a black dress.

Shit.

“Can I help you?” the woman asks, but Dean doesn’t say anything he turns to Garth to see how calm he is. Garth is really smooth right now.

“Well we heard about our high school friend Rich, we just wanted to pay our respects if that’s okay with you.” Garth says with watery eyes. How the hell did he do that?

“Oh, sure, right come on in.” the woman says and lets them in.

The house is big, really big. The woman leads them to the living room. And tries to smile but fails. “How did you know him?”

“High school.” Garth answers and ignores the fact that this is the second time he’d answered that question. 

“Oh right, I forgot.” She murmurs.

“The thing is, my friend here-” he points at Dean “-is a cop.” Wait what?! “He was a friend of Rich too. He is just wondering that…”

“They say it’s a serial killer. That Rich was just another unlucky victim. It- it scares me.” The woman says, her voice cracks.

“I see.” Garth slowly nods. “Were you here, when that happened?”

“No, I was out with a friend. The house was empty. They said a woman walked into the house. But her face was covered. They couldn’t identify her. They said that’s the killer.” She says and looks at Dean. “I don’t know why would someone want to hurt him. He was a good man. He was a drinker but he was a good man.”

Garth suddenly jumps up. “Thank you for your time.” He says and leaves the room. Dean smiles sadly at the woman and follows him. He finds Garth by the Impala, waiting for him.

“What the hell was that?” Dean asks because that was rude. Even for him.

“Drinking!” Garth screams, like he’s figured something really important out.

“M’sorry?” Dean asks.

“All the victims, they had a drinking problem. God why didn’t we see that before? It was right in front of us.” Garth looks at him waits. His eyes open wide his with surprise and disbelief.

“So? What does that tell us?” Dean asks and Garth frowns.

“That tells us that our monster has a thing for drinkers.”

“It doesn’t even make sense.” Dean says.

“No it does, none of the victims were sober at the time. You weren’t either.” Garth says, his eyes are still wide open.

“So now I’m a drinker.” Dean murmurs.

“You’ve always been a drinker.” Garth smiles but his smile disappears when he sees Dean’s face.

Dean opens his mouth to say something but his phone goes off.

“Sammy?” he answers.

“Guess what, the guy was really drunk when he died.” Sam says.

“Yeah we know. Our monster has a thing for drinkers.” Dean murmurs.

“Apparently. Anyway, this victim doesn’t have that mark either. We think that maybe the one we killed was the one who was leaving the marks.” Sam says quickly. 

“Okay see you at the motel.” Dean says.

“Hold on. Cas wants me to tell you that he loves you.”Sam says, not even a little bit of excitement in his voice.

Dean chuckles. “Is he there?”

“Yeah, we are back at the motel room. Wanna talk to him? Start driving.” Sam says and hangs up.

“Bitch.” Dean says and puts the phone back in his pocket.

It takes him three minutes to go back to the motel.

He opens the room’s door but Cas isn’t there, Sam is doing something on his laptop. He doesn’t even move when Dean and Garth get in.

“Where is Cas?” he asks, trying not to panic. He wouldn't fly off alone again, would he?

“In the lobby.” Sam says.

Dean finds Cas sitting on one of the chairs in the lobby. His hands on lap. He looks nervous. But he smiles when he sees Dean.

“What are you doing here?” Dean asks and sits next to him.

Cas smiles and holds Dean’s hands. He leans in and kissed Dean then rests his forehead on Dean’s shoulder. “Cas?”

“I thought we could book another room tonight.” He says slowly.

Oh.

“Really?” Dean asks without thinking.

“Yes I umm… we haven’t been alone for a while, you know? I miss you.” Cas whispers. Dean turns his head and kisses him again.

Okay don’t panic. Stop smirking; just keep calm say something cool.

“Let’s book the room then.” Dean says.

Nailed it!

“I already did.” Cas chuckles and shows Dean the key in his hand.

Dean doesn’t remember how they got in the room. He only knows that he is holding Cas in his arms and Cas’ arms are wrapped around him. And they are kissing like horny teenagers. He leads them to bed and they fall onto it.

He climbs on top of Cas. Dean leans down and kisses Castiel's neck, letting his tongue flicker out. Cas moans.

“You like that huh?” Dean says between kisses on Castiel's jaw.

“Y-yes.” Cas moans again. “I missed this.”

Dean chuckles. His mouth finds Cas’ again. This time more forcefully. Cas opens his mouth, letting Dean’s tongue in. 

“How do you wanna-” Dean asks between kisses, yanking off of clothing.

“I want you.” Cas gasps out against Dean’s mouth. “I want to forget about everything but you.”

“That can be arranged.” Dean groans and jerks his hips against Cas’.

Cas whines. Dean wastes no time to free him from his clothing too. 

When he’ done he finds Cas’ mouth again. He is painfully hard right now and he just needs Cas. He looks down to see that Cas is hard too. Dean pulls back and grabs the bottle of lube. He slicks up his fingers and teases Cas’ hole. He slowly puts one finger inside Cas and makes him moan.

“Am I hurting you?” he asks to be sure.

“N-no I want, I want…” Cas murmurs, his voice begging.

Dean nods and puts a second finger in. Cas moans. Dean leans down and kissed him roughly. Cas smirks. Dean begins scissoring and stretching , adding a third finger in, which makes Cas cry out.

“Dean, I need you.” He moans “Now.”

Dean pulls his fingers out, making Cas cry out. He quickly slicks his dick with lube and replaces his fingers with his dick. He feels a tight heat around his dick. Cas makes a strangled noise.

“You okay?” Dean asks again. Giving Cas sometime to adjust.

“Yes, I’m fine, I need you to move.” Cas smiles, his forehead sticky with sweat.

Dean begins thrusting slowly, careful not to hurt Cas. He leans down and kisses Cas’ forehead, making him relax. 

Cas moans again and wraps his legs around Deans hips, encouraging him. Dean speeds up a little bit. They create an unsteady rhythm for a while. Then Cas meets Dean’s every thrust, making Dean groan loudly. Dean finds Cas’ sweet spot, and makes Cas cry out every time he hits that spot. Cas cries out his name and tightens his legs around Dean hips.

Dean wants to stay like this, just like this. No hunters, no hunts, no pain, no monsters, no victims, no civil wars or Balthazars. He just wants to be like this all the time. With Cas in his arms he doesn’t have to worry about a thing. They are safe like this, Cas is safe like this and that’s what matters.

“Fuck! I’m gonna-” Dean moans, he is so close. He leans down to kiss Cas again. Cas kisses him back roughly.

“Come for me Dean.” He whispers and circles his hips under Dean’s. “Let it go, come on.”

Dean comes with loud groan, his face buried in Cas’ neck as he comes. Cas follows him moments later with Dean’s name on his lips. 

Cas goes limp in Dean’s arms. Dean slips out of him and falls on his back. Then he pulls Cas on his chest so Cas can rests his head, he wraps his arms around Dean’s waist and Dean’s arms are around his, pulling him closer.

“We should do that more often.” Dean murmurs.

Cas chuckles. “Yeah, I can’t argue with that.”

Dean tries to keep himself awake but he fails, he lets out a loud yawn, making Cas chuckle again.

“You should get some sleep Dean” Cas says, not moving.

“You’ll be here?” Dean can’t help but ask. He feels really good right now, with Cas in his arms, he doesn’t want to let him go.

“I’ll be right here, don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, just sleep.” Cas murmurs.

“Okay, baby” Dean says, already feeling himself drifting off.

“Hey, Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.” Cas whispers again and Dean kisses on top of his head.

“I love you too, Cas.” and that not even enough to describe how he feels.

He sleeps better than ever.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean wakes up next to Cas, Cas’ arms around his waist, his head still resting on his chest, his breathing is slow and steady as if he is sleeping. He chuckles and looks up at Dean.

“Did I wake you?” he asks, his voice is even more beautiful in the morning. 

Dean shakes his head reaches down to kiss him. “No, baby you didn’t.” he says.

Cas nods and gets out of the bed. He looks at Dean who is now frowning and smiles. “Sam called while you were sleeping. He said he’s got a plan. We should go meet him, come on.”

Sam, you little bastard.

“What’s the plan?” Dean asks.

“I have no idea.” Cas smiles more, looking down at Dean who is still in bed. “You can sleep Dean. I’ll go meet Sam. I can figure out a lie for you along the way.”

Dean smiles. Shit.

He was head over hills in love with this guy.

“No, It’s okay, I’ll be out in a minute.” Dean says and yawns loudly.

“You sure?” Cas smirks.

“Yeah, I’ll come with you.” because I don’t give a crap about sleeping if you won’t be here with me.

“Okay you have one minute.” Cas laughs.

Dean realizes Cas is only wearing boxers and he looks super hot. Fuck. Without that suit and trench coat, this guy was a life ruiner. Dean gulps.   
Cas raises an eyebrow and sits back on the bed. He leans down and kisses Dean. Dean moans and pulls Cas on top of him. He lets his hands discover the angels body. Cas makes himself comfortable immediately. He chuckles and leans down to kiss Dean’s neck. He starts to suck and kiss Dean’s neck and Dean is sure that the angel is trying to leave a mark. 

He groans and cups the angels ass with both hands. Cas gasps and starts licking Dean’s neck. Oh shit. “Fuck, Cas!” Dean moans.

“No, we don’t have time for that. We have to go with something quicker.” Cas says quickly before kissing Dean’s jaw. Shit that was hot.

“Anything you want baby.” Dean gasps desperate to please Cas. “Tell me what you want.” 

Cas stops and looks at him. “I don’t know Dean, I can’t really make up my mind right now.”

Dean chuckles. He holds his angel and turns him around so dean is on top of him. Dean kisses his lips before kissing his jaw, neck, collar bones, nipples and his belly button. Cas moans and chuckles, his hands are in Dean’s hair. 

Dean yanks Cas’ boxer down and looks at him with dangerous eyes before smirking. He holds Cas’ cock in his hands, causing Cas gasp. 

“You like that baby?” Dean asks, stroking him slowly.

“Yes, Dean.” Cas finally says, his eyes are watery.  
Dean licks the head of the cock before taking it all way. He tastes Cas like a well-served dinner. Cas shuts his eyes and bites his lower lip. That one minute turns into five long and incredibly pleasing minutes.

Cas comes with Dean’s name on his lips and Dean swallows everything. Cas shuts his eyes and his body goes limp. Dean looks at him for a moment and smiles. Cas looks so beautiful now. Even more beautiful than he was five minutes ago. He opens his arms for Dean and without opening his eyes. Dean lays next to him and Cas takes him to his arms. Dean brushes their lips together. 

“You enjoyed that, angel?” Dean asks, cupping Cas’ face with his hands and kissing his forehead.

“Yes, I did, Dean.” Cas murmurs. “I guess you would do anything to stay in bed, wouldn’t you?”

Dean sighs. “I would do anything for ‘you’. The bed can kiss my ass.”

Cas laughs. “I love you Dean Winchester. You know that right?”

“I do now.” Dean kisses him again. “I love you too, baby.” more than you can imagine.

Cas opens his eyes and kisses Dean’s nose. Dean really likes that. He smiles, he guesses that’s something he liked before he lost his memory and Cas just reminded him that.

“We should get dressed and meet Sam and Garth.” Cas says and sits up. “Come on, Dean.”

“Okay, okay” 

“Where have you guys been? I was about to come to your room.” Sam says, when Dean and Cas enter the room. He is on his laptop, doing God knows what and Garth is watching a TV show called ‘Doctor Who’.

“That wouldn’t end well for you.” Dean says and sits on the couch next to Garth. Cas sits on the chair next to Sam and looks at the computer screen.

“Oh right I forgot, you hate being disturbed.” Sam murmurs and Cas visibly blushes next to him.

“Shut up, Sam.” Dean says. “Cas said that you guys had a plan.”

“Yeah umm, we’ve been thinking about this drinking thing, you know. I did some research and-” he gets up and starts walking in the room. “-every victim went to same bar. All of them. You included. We think that you could go back tonight, you know, show yourself. Maybe the shifter will remember you.” He stops and looks at Dean like he is waiting for permission.

The plan sounds good and Dean likes it. But before he could say anything Cas stands up.

“No.” he says, looking at Sam.

“What do you mean ‘No’?” Sam asks with disbelief.

“No, Sam. Last time he was there he got hit in the head and he lost his memory. And we both know that nothing could do that to Dean that easily. So, no.”

“But we took down one of them.”

“What makes you think there were two of them.” Cas says simply and Sam doesn’t answer.

“It’s okay Cas, really. I’ll be fine.” Dean says.

They both look at him and Sam nods. Cas gives Sam a dangerous look. Sam turns to him shrugs. “He’s okay with it Cas.”

Now they’re all looking at Cas.

“I’m not.” Cas says and takes a step forward.

“I know how to fight, Cas” Dean says, he gets up and stands in front of Cas.

“Yeah I saw the way you fought the last time Dean.” Cas says.

Dean remembers the last time he fought. But he wasn’t trying to fight at moment he was trying to keep the shifter away from Cas. He could fight, couldn’t he?

Dean doesn’t say anything though.

Cas turns to Sam. “He is not the only victim that got away.”

“What do you mean?” Dean and Sam ask at the same time.

Cas raises his eyebrows and waits.

Then Dean gets what he means. “If you think that I’m just gonna sit on my ass and let you do it, you are wrong Cas.”

No. Just no. Not again. He is not going to let Cas be a bait. He was going to lose his mind when the fucking shifter got Cas and he is not going to let something like that happen again. 

“I am stronger than you Dean. Those shifters are nothing compared to me.” Cas says.

“I don’t care.” Dean says. No.

“I can do this, they are not a real threat to me.”

“Yes they are!”

“No they were. I let one of them get close to me because I thought he was you. This time it won’t be like that. This time I- we will be ready for them.” Cas says with an angry tone.

“He’s got a point Dean.” Sam says, suddenly next to Cas.

“Yes Dean he is right.” Garth agrees and stands next to Sam.

Traitors.

Are you fucking kidding me?! “No!” Dean yells.

“Yes Dean. Somebody’s got to be the bait and it won’t be you.” Cas says, his voice is calmer.

“It wo-” Dean sighs. “Cas we are not even discussing this. You are not doing this!”

“Why not? I am an angel, Dean.” Cas says, his eyes serious. That’s when Dean loses it.

“No Cas, you are not! You were an angel, but you are not anymore!” Dean shouts.

Cas takes a step back, his eyes wide with surprise and disbelief. He looks so hurt that Dean wants to take back what he said. But he knows he can’t.

Shit. Good job Dean. “Cas, I-”

“Sam, Garth, leave the room.” Cas says but his voice cracks.

Sam and Garth leave without saying anything. Sam shuts the door behind him.

“I’m sorry.” Dean whispers, not taking his eyes from Cas.

“It’s okay Dean you are right. I am not an angel anymore. I am falling.” Cas says slowly, his eyes on the floor.

“Cas I didn’t mean it okay? I’m sorry.” Dean says, he has to fix this. He has to make Cas see that he is an angel, his angel.

“I know you didn’t. You wouldn’t say anything to hurt me. I know that. I don’t blame you for anything Dean.” Cas says and smiles but there is pain in his eyes.

“Look, I know I don’t remember our relationship. But I’m doing my best to remember Cas. I love you. Okay? I love you and you need to know that. You need to know that you are always going to be my angel. And I’m sorry because you are fall because of me and I-” Dean says but Cas kisses him. 

“It’s not your fault Dean. I don’t know what Sam told you but it’s not your fault.” Cas says.

“He told me that you chose me. That’s why you’re falling.”

“Exactly. I chose you. You didn’t force me to do anything. I chose you and I chose humanity. If I hadn’t, we would all be dead by now. So stop blaming yourself. I’m still an angel, for now.” Cas kisses him again.

“Okay baby.” Dean says between kisses. 

“And I will go to that bar tonight.” Cas says and pulls away.

“Cas, please. Don’t ask me to be okay with that. I can’t let you do something like that.” Dean begs, pulls Cas closer.

“I will be fine Dean. They can’t do anything in public. I will lead them to alley. You guys will be there and I will smite him or you guys can shoot him.” Cas says, he cups Dean’s face and looks at him. Dean sees how honest he is. How giving he really is.

Dean just nods and Cas smiles. He leans in and kisses Dean.

“Promise me one thing.” Dean says.

“Of course Dean, anything.”

“You will be careful.”

Cas sighs. “I promise.”

“I love you baby.” Dean says and pulls him closer, wraps his arms around his waist and hugs him.

Cas wraps his arm around Dean’s neck and kisses him again. 

“I know.”


	10. Chapter 10

Dean doesn’t know what to think when he is running towards the bar. He just knows that something went wrong. Something went terribly wrong.

He hears Sam’s voice but he doesn’t stop, instead he forces his legs to go faster. 

Please let him be okay. Oh God. Please be okay!

He hears screams before slamming the door open. His eyes search for Cas. He finds him in the middle of the bar. There is a guy behind him holding a blade to his chest. Dean takes a step forward without thinking but Sam stops him. Bar is empty in seconds.

He sees Sam and Garth point their guns at him. But he can’t reach for his gun. He can’t even move. He looks at the shifter who has no mercy in his eyes. The shifter winks at him.

“Dean, glad you could join us.” He says with a smirk.

“Let him go you son of a bitch!” Dean shouts, eyes never leaving the shifter. He can’t look at Cas’ eyes. He is sure he wouldn’t be able to speak if he sees the fear in them.

“That’s not gonna happen Dean. He-” he points at Cas. “- is the only person that’s not gonna leave this place alive. Pick another one.”

Dean growls. There is no way he is going to let that peace-of-shit hurt Cas.

“Well, you are outnumbered.” He says but he can’t hide the fear in his voice.

“I am aware of that Dean. But you can see that I have something you care about. So I wouldn’t try to be brave. That would only make things more complicating.” The shifter threatens. 

“How did you know he was an angel?” Sam asks suddenly.

“I was told he would be here. I was told to be careful.” The shifter says.

“Who told you that?” Dean barks. 

"The devil you know.” The shifter tightens his hold on Cas, making Dean hold his breath.

“You’re gonna have to be more specific.” Garth says with an angry tone.

“He said that you would remember him from 'being king of the crossroads'.” The shifter says and smirks at Sam.

“Crowley. He put you up to his.” Sam says, his eyes wide with surprise.

‘Whoever this Crowley is, he is dead.’ Dean thinks.

“He is the king of the hell now. So he can't just drop everything and come here himself. So... you know. The original plan was to kill Dean here, but he got away. Then he killed my lover.” He turns to Dean with vengeful eyes. “Why can’t I kill his?”

“If you touch one hair on his head, you will be dead before you hit the ground you hear me?!” Dean barks because he can’t take this shit anymore.

“Keep talking Dean that’s cute. But we are not playing with your rules. This is my game. You are just one player. And you will obey the rules, or you can’t play.” The shifter says and points Sam. “The giant leaves.”

“What? No!” Sam shouts.

Shit.

“Sam, Garth, go.” Dean says but he doesn’t take his eyes off the shifter. He realizes that Sam is still there. “I said go!” Dean shouts.

Sam glares at him for a moment before leaving. Garth follows him.

“Good, good. If I knew the angel here meant this much to you, I would get to him sooner.” He says and sniffs Cas’ hair, his eyes on Dean.

“I’m gonna kill you. I’m gonna rip your heart out, you son of a bitch.” Dean says. 

“I know you will Dean, I know that. But I’m not going anywhere without my little friend here. And you know that.” He says.

Fuck.

Dean panics and looks at Cas who is looking at him with apologetic eyes, as if he knows he is going to die. Dean feels his heart drop. No. He is not going to let that happen. But he knows that if he saves Cas, Cas is going to walk out of this place without Dean; which is more than okay for Dean.

“What will Crowley think of you then? Changing his plan like that?” Dean asks because if this Crowley is the one who sent this fucker here, he would like to see Dean dead, not Cas.

“He is one who gave me the angel blade Dean.” The shifter winks at him.

“Why does he want Dean dead?” Cas talks for the first time. His voice is firm and free from all emotions.

“Two reasons. First, Dean is after him. And Crowley doesn’t like that. Second, he knows that killing Dean would break you. And he wants that.” The shifter murmurs into Cas’ ear.

Oh yeah, Dean is definitely gonna kill this Crowley guy.

“Why does he want to break him?” Dean barks.

“Because his new business partner is more than interested in seeing Cas broken.” The shifter says and Cas raises his eyebrows but he doesn’t say anything.

“Who is that?” Dean asks because he needs to know his new target.

“Raphael.” The shifter says and Cas freezes. Dean starts to shake.

Wait, what?! Raphael? The Raphael that Cas is fighting with and ‘winning’ against?

Then shit gets serious. Dean gets his gun out and points it to the shifter. But he doesn’t pull the trigger because Cas is too close. The shifter smirks but Cas makes a sudden move and releases himself from the shifter. Dean moves forward and pushes Cas away. Away from the shifter.The shifter growls and punches Dean in the face and Dean kicks his stomach, making the shifter gasp in pain. The shifter punches him again harder this time, making Dean drop his gun. The shifter smirks again and moves the blade in his hand. Dean hears Cas calling out his name.

Then the shifter’s eyes suddenly start to burn and fill the room with a bright white light. Dean covers his eyes. When the light is gone he opens his eyes.

First thing he notices is the dead shifter. Then he suddenly looks for Cas but when he moves his head he notices a new guy in the room. The guy looks at him for a moment before turning to Cas. “You okay?” he asks and hugs Cas.

What the hell?!

“Yes. I am. Thank you.” Cas says and steps back. He notices Dean’s glare and sighs.

Sam slams the door open. “Dean?!”

“I’m fine Sammy.” Dean says. Sam puts his gun down and Garth does the same. Then Sam notices the fifth guy in the room.

“Balthazar?” Sam asks with disbelief.

So this guy is Balthazar. No wonder why Dean hated him. 

He has blonde hair and blue eyes. He wears a black suit jacket, a blue t-shirt and black tight jeans. He turns to Sam and smiles.

“What are you doing here?” Sam continues.

“I called him.” Cas says. Balthazar smiles at him and Dean wants to punch the guy right there. 

“When?” Dean asks. 

“When you told Sam and Garth to go. I prayed to him.” Cas says, but not looking at Dean.

“And you still haven’t thanked me.” Balthazar says, his eyes locked on Dean.

“Why would I do that?” Dean asks with a cold tone and Cas frowns.

“I just saved your ass.” Balthazar says.

“No you didn’t. I had him under control.” Dean says, he definitely doesn’t like the fact that this guy saved his life. Ugh.

Balthazar just nods sarcastically and turns to Cas. “So what was that about?”

“I think we should leave this place first.” Cas says and Balthazar nods. “Follow me.”

Cas zaps them back to motel.

“Can you tell me now?” Balthazar says and sits on the couch. Sam and Garth sit next to him.

“Yes, but there is something else I have to do first.” Cas says and turns to Dean. Before Balthazar can argue, they are suddenly in ‘their’ room. Alone. Dean would do anything to see expression on Balthazar’s face right now.

“Dean.” Cas breaths and wraps his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean wraps his own arms around Cas’ waist and pulls him closer, buries his face on Cas’ shoulder. Shit. He was so close to losing him tonight.

“You okay baby? You are not hurt are you?” Dean asks and pulls back to look at Cas.

“I’m fine, Dean.” Cas sighs. “I really thought I was going to die tonight. I thought I would never see you again.”

“I wouldn’t let that happen Cas. Nothing’s gonna hurt you, not while I’m around. And I’m not planning on leaving you alone.” Dean says and pulls Cas closer to kiss him.

“I’m glad Balthazar had showed.” Cas says after the kiss. “I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I’m glad you are okay, baby.” Dean says, he doesn’t want to admit the fact he is glad that Balthazar had showed too. He really hates the guy. “No more ‘being bait’ for you.”

“I can’t argue with that.” Cas says and kisses him again. “We should go back. We have things to talk about.”

“I don’t want to.” Dean says, his forehead resting on Cas’ shoulder.

“Come on.” Cas says but doesn’t move, neither does Dean.

Dean starts to kiss Cas’ neck. “Nah.”

“You are torturing me, Winchester.” Cas says quietly and Dean chuckles.

“They can wait for another twenty minutes.” Dean murmurs into Cas’ neck and Cas pulls him closer.

“Make it thirty.” He says and pushes Dean down to bed.

They don’t get out of that bed for the rest of the night.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't be able to update for two days but I'll be back with new chapters...

“Raphael and Crowley.” Cas says, apparently still having trouble believing.

“Doesn’t surprise me.” Balthazar says and shrugs. “Right now he would do anything to destroy you.”

“Is he strong? This Raphael.” Dean asks. He remembers Cas saying he was an archangel. But he doesn’t know how strong he is.

“He is an archangel Dean. He can torn you to shreds in one second.” Balthazar says with a smirk like would like to see that happen. “He killed Cas once.”

He did what?!

“Hold on wh- I thought it was Michael who killed you.” Dean shouts. Cas didn’t tell him that fucking Raphael had killed him once.   
He could do it again. He was planning to.

“Yes, I told you that Michael had killed me but I also said that it was the second time for me.” Cas says his arms crossed against his chest.

“So when did this fucker killed you and when were you planning on telling me?” Dean asks, his voice calmer this time.

“It was the night that Sam broke the last seal to free Lucifer.” Cas says and Sam nods slowly. “I stayed behind to hold Raphael off, so you could stop Sam.”

Shit. Cas had died so Dean could get to Sam. And Dean had failed. He had failed Cas and Cas had died for nothing. 

Dean can’t find his voice to answer. He grits his teeth.

“Anyhoo, we shoul make a plan Cassie.” Balthazar turns to Cas.

Cassie?! Dean grits his teeth again.

“We should summon Crowley.” Cas says slowly.

“What? The demon that happens to be your enemy’s business partner?” Garth asks. “They are in this together you know.”

Dean agrees him with a nod. 

“Crowley is just a demon. I can handle a demon. You guys are underestimating me, I am an angel.” Cas says, his voice firm.

“Now you are just showing off.” Balthazar smiles.

“Cas.” Dean turns to Cas and ignores Balthazar. “Are you sure?”

“No. I am not sure. But I have to make things right. With Crowley out of the picture…” Cas starts.

“It would go back to normal.” Sam finishes for him. “I have to agree with him Dean. We should take down Crowley.”

“I think you guys are missing the point.” Garth says suddenly and everyone turns to him. “He is working with an archangel. He must be protected.”

“He has a point.” Dean says. Cas looks at Dean with sad eyes for a moment before turning to Balthazar.

“Get Rachael, Hester and Inias. We are going to need help.” Cas says and Balthazar nods before disappearing. 

Cas turns to Dean. “I’m listening.”

“Hmm?”  
Cas walks into Dean’s personal space. “Your opinion. I’m listening.”

Dean smiles and wraps an arm around the angel’s waist. He ignores the two other people in the room and kisses him. “I think that demon must die. So does that teenage mutant archangel.”

Cas tilts his head. Shit he looks adorable like this. “Teenage mutant archangel?”

Dean chuckles. “Never mind.” 

Before any of them could say anything Balthazar returns with three other angels. Two blonds and one guy.

One of the blonds takes a step forward. “Cas.” she nods once and turns to Dean. “Winchester.”

“Rachael, I’m glad you guys made it. We are summoning the demon Crowley. He has been working with Raphael.” Cas explains.

“Balthazar told us.” the other blond says. Cas turns to Balthazar with questioning eyes. 

“I didn’t want you to be bothered with telling stories honey.” Balthazar says. Dean sighs and takes a step forward Balthazar.

“You talk too much.” He says and stands right in front of Balthazar. Ready to punch him any second.

“Calm your tits Dean.” Balthazar says but there is no amusement in his voice.

“Oh I’m calm, don’t worry.” Dean says takes one more step but someone pulls him back.

“Stop it, both of you.” Cas says, one hand on Dean’s chest, one hand on Balthazar’s. “We have a war in our hands and you guys are fighting with each other. What is wrong with you?” 

Cas clearly has no idea about Dean’s jealousy. Dean sighs and steps back. The other three angels are watching them with curious eyes. Balthazar is the only angel in the room that doesn’t have a stick up his ass. Even Cas doesn’t have any idea what’s going on. 

“What’s the plan?” Dean asks, rubbing his eyes.

“We go to that warehouse, summon Crowley into a devil’s trap, and kill anything that tries to stop us.” Cas says like it’s the most simple thing in the world. Dean can’t help but smile. Cas stares at him for a second but smiles back.

“We are gonna need holy water.” Garth says.

“We have gallons of it in the impala.” Sam says and grabs the car keys. He pats Dean on the shoulder and leaves the room.

“Inias, go and get what we need for the summoning.” Cas says and the angel disappears. He turns to Balthazar but doesn’t look at him. “Get our weapons ready.”

Balthazar nods and he disappears too. Dean can’t help but smirk.

“Once everyone’s ready, you take Garth and Sam and follow me.” Cas says and both blonds nod. 

Sam comes back with a bottle of holy water. Dean takes the water from him. “How does this thing work?”

“It burns them for a while, distracts them.” Sam says and takes the bottle back and looks at Dean like he is a child that asks too many questions. Dean rolls his eyes.

He takes one handgun and one shotgun. He knows these are probably going to be useless but he takes them anyway.

He hears Cas’ voice again but before he could even turn back to look at him they are in their room.

“Dean.” Cas says and hugs him. Dean wraps is arm around Cas waist and pulls him closer. “You worry too much.”

“Can you blame me?” Dean asks, his face buried in Cas’ neck.

“No. But I can’t stand to see you like this.” Cas murmurs and kisses Dean’ hair.

“I just want this to be over. I want you to be safe.” Dean says.

“It will be over soon, I promise.” Cas murmurs again. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” Dean says. “I trust you, but I don’t know if you are going to be okay Cas. Stop sacrificing yourself for everything.”

Cas pulls away and stares at Dean. “I don’t sacrifice myself for everything Dean. I sacrifice myself for you. Wouldn’t you do the same for me?”

“Of course I would.” Dean says and kisses Cas’ lips. “I would sacrifice everything for you.”

“I am going to be careful Dean. So don’t worry about me. Focus on yourself and don’t get hurt.” Cas says but they both know that’s not going to happen. He will never stop worrying. 

Dean just nods and Cas kisses him again. “Let’s go, everyone’s ready.”

They go back to Sam and Garth’s room and ignore the curious eyes. 

The angels fly them to warehouse.

“Home sweet home.” Garth says. 

“Okay, should I draw it?” Sam asks Cas and Cas nods. 

Sam takes the spray paint from Inias and starts drawing the devil’s trap in the middle of the room. 

Racheal, Hester and Balthazar take their places and Inias helps Cas with the summoning spell. Garth and Dean salt the doors and windows. Once everything is ready Cas starts the spell. He speaks a language Dean doesn’t understand and lights a match. He stops talking and looks around. No sign of the demon.

“Maybe he wants to impress us.” Sam says quietly.

“That little cockroach!” Hester shouts.

“Do you think he realized what you were trying to do?” Balthazar asks Cas.

Cas grits his teeth. “I don’t know what to think.” 

“You are telling me that the demon knew you would summon him?” Dean asks Cas and takes a step forward. 

Shit.

Cas opens his mouth to say something but Garth goes first. 

“Uhh, guys? Demons.” He shouts. Dean and Sam both go to look out of the window.

“Shit.” Sam says and takes his knife out. He eyes Dean’s gun. “That’s not gonna work on them.”

“What am I suppose to do then?” Dean says and Balthazar hands him an angel blade.

“Works on demons too” he says and takes his place next to Cas. Dean doesn’t look at him, he still hates the guy.

“Sam, you guys handle the demons.” Cas says and turns to Dean. “And be careful. We’ll handle the angels.”

“Angels?!” Dean shouts. Shit. This is definitely not good.

“Yes we’ll be fine, you guys be careful and kill whatever you see.” Cas says and fakes a smile.

Garth and Sam open the door to get out. Dean sighs and starts follow them.

Just when he thinks that things can’t get any worse he hears a new voice in the room.

“Hello boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't be able to update for two days but I'll be back with new chapters...


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with a new one! :)

“Hello boys.” is all Dean hears and he turns back to meet this new person. It’s pretty simple to guess. They are the ones who summoned him. But Crowley is clever. Dean can see that because he is not in the devil’s trap.

“Crowley.” Cas growls and takes a step forward. His angel blade in his hand and a very angry expression on his face. Dean can see he is holding back. he can see that Cas wants to kill this guy now and who can blame him?

“Castiel.” Crowley turns to Cas, his hands in his pockets, a smug expression on his face. He looks calm and happy, which makes Dean want to stab him in the face. “Angel of Thursday.” He smirks. “Just not you day is it?”

“I know about your agreement with Raphael.” Cas says. “It ends. Now.”

“Why? Because you say so?” Crowley laughs. “I don’t think so angel.”

“No because I say so.” Dean says, finding himself in front of Crowley.

“Dean!” Crowley says, almost surprised. “I’ve heard about your little accident, I almost gave a crap but then I realized, you not remembering me might come really handy.”

“How?” Dean asks, he doesn’t want to be toyed with this fucking demon.

“You may not remember but we were lovers.” Crowley says and smiles.

Dean makes a disgusted face. “Yeah, right.”

“It was worth a shot, you are quite the catch.” Crowley says and wiggles his brows.

“Enough.” Cas says and takes a step forward but Balthazar stops him. Cas looks at him for a moment but steps back, but he looks like he is about to jump on Crowley any second.

“He is right, enough with the foreplay.” Dean says. “Why did you come here?”

Crowley fakes a confused look. “You guys summoned me, didn’t you?” he says and smirks. “I knew you were trying to get me out of the game but I didn’t want that. I love this game. So, I came prepared.” He gestures outside where his demons and angels are.

“So what you want a fight?” Sam says, he sounds threatening but Dean is sure that he is aware of the fact that they were outnumbered. They wouldn’t leave this place alive, not all of them.

“Oh, moose.” Crowley turns to Sam. “You are always hard to deal with. If I wanted a fight, we wouldn’t be talking right now.” He turns to Cas. “although it looks like I’m the only person here that doesn’t want to fight.”

Cas smirks. “Guess you are right.”

“Oh, but think about it.” Crowley says and steps away from Dean. He starts circling around Cas. Dean clenches his fists. “How are gonna kill me? After you take on what, ten demons and three angels? Are you even gonna be alive, angel?”

Dean finds himself shaking, he tries not to think about Cas, he tries not to give himself away but he can’t because Crowley is right in front of him, circling around Cas and threatening. Cas frowns only for a moment before he looks at Dean. Like asking for permission, but for what? To fight?

Dean nods.

Cas turns back to Crowley and smirks again. “I guess we will have to find out.” 

Crowley steps back and fakes an unhappy face. “I guess we will.”

And with that he is gone. Cas turns to Sam immediately. “Just like we planned. You’ll take the demons, we’ll take the angels and Crowley.”

Sam nods but Dean can’t fight the words that comes out of his mouth. “I want to stay with you, help you with Crowley.” He says and they all look at him with confused eyes.

“No you won’t do that. It’s better if you just handle the demons. We can handle the rest. There are five of us and four of them, including Crowley. Sam and Garth are going to need you more than us.” Cas says slowly. Dean wants to protest but he is right. Dammit he is always right. Dean looks at Sam and nods. He will not let Cas get hurt but he also won’t let Sam get hurt either, and ten demons would be enough to hurt him.

Sam and Garth go outside and Dean looks at Cas for a moment. He mouths ‘be careful.’

Cas smiles and mouths ‘you too.’

Dean goes outside to meet Sam and Garth. There are ten demons before them and they all look very ‘hungry’. Dean takes his angel blade out and smirks. Few of the demons step back which is a good thing.

“Winchester.” A demon says and jumps on Dean. The fight starts with that, the demons attack first, all of them at once. 

Dean stabs the first demon without hesitating, the next demon brings a friend and they try to hold him. One of them hold his arms, one of them his head. Dean struggles to free himself but the demon that’s holding his head tries to break his neck which only pisses Dean off. He throws a kick to his back hitting the demons knee, once he is free of him he punches the other one and stabs him in the neck. He turns back and stabs the demon he just knocked down. 

Another demon tries to jump on him but he stabs her before she can even touch him. He can see the white bright light that comes from the warehouse but he tries not to worry.   
He is fine, my angel is fine. He is a bad ass angel. He can take care of himself.

A demon notices that he is distracted and tries to stab him, he jumps back and holds his arm but the demon pushes him against the wall. He holds the arm again, trying really hard to not get stabbed. The demon punches him and Dean falls on his back. He drops his angel blade and the demon kicks it away. A very big smirk on his face, he steps on Dean knees, making him shout. “See you in hell, Winchester.”

He raises his knife to stab him and Dean closes his eyes. He hears Sam’s voice “Yeah, see you there.” And the demon is gone. He opens his eyes to see Sam with his demon knife, smirking. He stands up and looks around. No demons left and Garth is smirking at him like Sam does. “Dude I can’t believe that you let a demon jump on you.” Sam says, still smirking.

“Shut up, the dude was huge.” Dean says and picks up his angel blade. He ignores Sam and Garth’s ‘Who can smirk longer’ contest and heads to the warehouse. 

There are no lights or sounds anymore. He starts running before he can even think. He slams the door open as he runs inside. He view in front of him is heartbreaking.

Four angels gathered around one of their friends’ lifeless body, all of them on their knees. There are huge wings on the floor, at least their shape, burned and shaped on the floor. There three other dead angels but Cas and his friends are gathered around this one. None of them crying, just staring. Dean also realizes Crowley is still in the room. He makes a move but Sam stops him and shakes his head. He shows Dean that Crowley is trapped in a devil’s trap. Dean sighs, Cas turns to him, his eyes are watery and grieving. He nods once and turns back to the corpse. Dean sighs again and goes to him, he holds Cas’ shoulders to let him know he is there.

“She fought bravely.” Balthazar says and strokes Rachael’s hair. The blonde looks so pale now. She looks like she has never been an angel, like she is just another human. But the wing shapes on the floor proves Dean wrong.

“She died bravely.” Hester murmurs and gets up. She starts running towards Crowley. “You little piece of-” 

Cas stops her. “Hester, get a hold of yourself!” He shouts. She tries to fight him off but Inias is suddenly behind her, holding he arms.

“Please Hester, you are not a vengeful creature.” Inias begs. Hester stops and sighs heavily. She looks at Cas.

“You better put him down” she says and flies away God-knows-where.

“She is fine, I can assure you Castiel.” Inias says and smiles sadly.

Cas nods. “Just take care of her Inias. I don’t want her to do something stupid and hurt herself.”

“Of course.” Inias says and he flies away too.

Cas turns to Crowley. “You will pay for this.” He says and Dean can hear the pain and grief in his voice very clearly.

“What happened to not being a vengeful creature?” Crowley asks but there is fear in his voice and Dean can see that Cas has noticed that too.

“I may be an angel once, but I’m something else now.” Cas says and takes one more step. “And I will bury you.”

“Love it when you get all tough. Touches me right where my bathing-suit goes.” He smirks. Cas stabs his arm with his angel blade. Crowley screams. “Oh, boy. You like it rough don’t you?” he turns to Dean. “He likes it rough, Lover boy?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” Dean says and Cas stabs the other arm, Crowley screams even more. 

“What’s your plan?” Cas asks.

“If you think I’m going to talk” Crowley says. “you haven’t been paying attention.”

“You are going to talk.” Cas says. “If you don’t, I’ll kill you. If you do, he’ll kill you.” He grabs Crowley’s arm and holds his wound.

“Ah! You shithead! Aaaahh!” Crowley screams. “I can’t tell you. I won’t”

“You are just waiting for him to come rescue you. But he won’t come because you are a little cockroach. He doesn’t care about you, he cares about the plan. Tell us the plan and join us, we’ll take him down together. We won’t kill you.” Balthazar says and Cas sighs. “What, we need him! We don’t know anything about his plans or anything he has against us. Let him help us.” Cas nods but he doesn’t say anything.

What? He was gonna work with Crowley?! Dean waits for the right time to protest.

“Tell us and we won’t kill you, we will let you go but only if you help us.” Cas says with a threatening tone.

“First you have to free me.” Crowley says and Balthazar breaks the trap. Crowley moves out of the circle and smirks. “Purgatory.”

“What?” Cas and Dean ask at the same time.

“He is trying to open the Purgatory. He came to me and made a deal. He was going to get the half of the souls in the purgatory and I was gonna take the other half. We both needed partners, you can’t just find the purgatory and open it on your own, you know. We were capturing alphas. Firsts of each species. They know the place.” Crowley explains.   
So this Raphael was trying to open purgatory to defeat Cas, he was making a deal with a demon, the king of hell. An archangel and the king of hell against Cas. Apparently somebody was getting impatient. Dean frowns.

“Where do you keep the alphas?” Cas asks. There is rage in his eyes. 

“Wyoming. But I can’t tell you the exact place. You are gonna have to take me with.” Crowley says and wiggles his brows.

“Yeah. I guess we are.” Cas says before stabbing Crowley in the heart.


	13. Chapter 13

“Woaahh! What was that!” Balthazar shouts. Looking at what’s left of Crowley.

“That-” Cas turns to Balthazar slowly “-was our plan.”

“We could use him, we could have purgatory ourselves.” Balthazar protests.

“Working with a demon?” Cas asks and his angel blade suddenly disappears. “I’d rather die.”

Balthazar opens his mouth but he doesn’t say anything. He nods and turns his back, he walks out of the warehouse instead of flying.

Dean stares at the dead body. Cas just killed the king of hell like it was nothing. He didn’t think about the consequences. This guy was the king of hell. He had an army. Cas might be started a war. “You think no one will avenge him?”

Cas smiles sadly. “No. They won’t even look for him. They will find another king or queen. Crowley wasn’t the best. They hated him. But they had to obey him.”

Okay that was good news. “What are we going to do now?”

“We are going to kill the alphas so Raphael doesn’t find the purgatory.”

“Sounds good.” Garth says with a grin. Dean smiles at him.

“Listen, if any of you guy want out, I’ll understand.” Cas says slowly, he sounds hurt but he hides it well.

“Don’t be like that.” Dean says. He holds Cas’ hand and squeezes gently. “We are in this together.”

“He is right Cas. We would never leave you alone. If we go down, we go down fighting. And we go down together. Right Garth?”   
Sam says with a serious look on his face. Dean just wants to hug him right there for being such an amazing friend for Cas. He wants to thank him and throw him into a ball of love. Sam really was important for him and so was Cas. It was good to see the strong friendship between them.

“Of course. I say we deep fry ourselves an archangel.” Garth says with a grin. Dean grins too. Garth was a really good friend when he wasn’t trying to set you up with the bartender in front of your lover.

“Thanks guys.” Cas says smiles at them. Then he coughs and turns to Dean. “Let’s go back to the motel.”

He zaps Sam and Garth to their room and says goodbye. Then he zaps Dean to their room and throws himself on to bed. He looks really tired, like he is about to sleep. Dean remembers that Cas is not sleeping yet. He slowly walks to the bed. “Come here.” Cas says and opens his arms wide. Dean throws himself in his arms. Cas holds him tightly against his chest.

“I’m glad you are okay baby.” Dean says and kisses Cas’ jaw. He really didn’t think they could handle those bastards. He was worried sick about Cas the entire time.

“I’m glad you are fine too. I was so worried about you. Not being able to help you… I don’t want to feel like that. I don’t want to let you go.” Cas says and tightens his hold on Dean. Dean kisses him again and smiles. He doesn’t want to let go either. He just wants to hold Cas and stay with him forever. He wants to protect him, keep him safe. He wants to make him smile. He wants to make him happy. He just wants him.

“Then don’t.” Dean says. “Stay with me forever.” He kisses Cas’ lips and rests their foreheads together.

“Forever.” Cas says and kisses him again.

“I wish I has rings.” Dean says and Cas laughs.

“We don’t need rings Dean Winchester. As long as I have you, I don’t need anything else.” Cas says. “Besides, marrying an angel, really?”

“Why? I’d marry you. Angel or not, you are mine.” Dean murmurs. He could marry Cas right now if it was possible. But he didn’t care because Cas was right. They didn’t need rings they didn’t need a wedding. They just needed each other, and that was enough.

And Balthazar could suck it.

“That’ true.” Cas says. “Is it okay if don’t have intercourse tonight? I feel tired.” 

Dean laughs out loud. “Of course that’s okay Cas, I’m tired too.”

“Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’m going to sleep.” Cas says, fear hidden in his voice. Like he doesn’t want to sleep. Ever. 

“You sure baby?” Dean asks to be sure.

“Yes I feel so… I don’t know what I feel. Like I’m dying without feeling any pain.” Cas says with a frown. Dean grits his teeth. Cas knows what dying feels like and it hurts Dean. It hurts like, to know that the man you love more than anything can talk about death like it’s just another routine in his life. 

“That’s an awkward way to put it.” Dean tries to joke but his voice cracks and Cas opens his eyes to look at him. “Sleep isn’t that bad you know.”

“Can you describe it?” Cas says slowly. Dean smiles because he doesn’t know how to describe sleeping. He doesn’t want Cas to hate sleeping so he tries his best.

“A few hours of unconsciousness. Of peace. You don’t even realize the time passing, you just let go.” He says. 

Cas frowns. “That’s what scares me. Letting yourself be vulnerable like that for hours.”

Oh.

“It really is okay Cas. No one’s gonna hurt you while you are asleep.” He says and smiles. He kisses Cas’ forehead.

“How can you be sure?” Cas says with a small voice, he looks scared and vulnerable. Dean doesn’t like that. 

“Because I’ll be here, right next to you. And won’t let anything hurt my angel.” He says and cups Cas’ face. Cas smiles and Dean kisses him. 

Cas sighs and nods. “Okay then.”

“Now try and get some sleep. You need it.” Dean says and Cas nods again.

Cas closes his eyes and holds Dean tighter. “Dean, can you say that again?” he asks slowly.

Dean doesn’t habe to ask what. “My angel.” He says. “My beautiful angel.”

Cas smiles.

Dean waits for Cas to fall asleep. When he is sure that the angel is sleeping like a baby on his chest, he lets himself fall asleep too.

Dean wakes up six hours later with his arms around Cas. Cas looks peaceful and happy. Dean finds himself watching Cas sleep. He can’t help himself, dude looks so beautiful when he is sleeping. He looks like a normal human being with no worries or whatsoever. Dean reaches for his phone and takes a picture. He smiles when Cas starts to move.

“Dean?” Cas asks.

“I’m here baby.” Dean says and kisses him. “How was sleeping?”

“It was good. I didn’t it would be like this. I feel better now, like I’m completed.” Cas says with a smile. He sits up and rests his forehead on Dean’s shoulder.

“Did you see any dreams?” Dean asks, and kisses Cas’ hair.

“I saw you.” Cas says and looks up at Dean. His chin on Dean’s shoulder. 

“Was it a good dream?” Dean asks. He feels like a thirteen year old girl because Cas had slept for the first time and he dreamt about Dean.

“Yes, we were in the impala, making love.” Cas says and Dean blushes. 

“Did we ever do that?” he finds himself asking, because if they didn’t, he would be more than happy to change that. 

“Yes.” Cas says and kisses Dean. “It was a good dream. It was a memory.”

Dean smiles. He can’t remember the memory himself but he is sure it must have been good. Cas kisses his neck sofly before saying “Let’s have intercourse.”

Dean laughs again and kisses him. Cas climbs up to his lap and wraps his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean doesn’t know what to do for a moment but his hands finds Cas’ hip easily.

They are naked in a minute. Cas is smiling and sometimes even laughing when Dean licks him everywhere. His lips, his cheeks, his neck, his chest, his belly button and finally his dick. Cas moans as Dean takes all of him in his mouth. He tries to sit up but Dean pushes him down again. Cas’ hands find Dean’s hair and he holds onto Dean like he is the only thing that matters.

Dean’s hands replace his mouth and he drops next to Cas to kiss him. Cas kisses him back passionately and wraps his own hands around Dean’s dick and strokes him. He starts with slow moves but then without a warning he strokes so fast and causes Dean to see the stars.

“Oh shit, Cas! Oh, don’t stop!” Dean shouts. Well aware of the fact that Sam and Garth could hear them but he doesn’t care. Not when Cas is doing this to him. He strokes Cas as fast as he is stroking Dean and Cas moans loudly. 

“Dean. I…” Cas gasps, he comes with a loud groan and Dean follows him only moments later. They help each other through their orgasms. When they finally find their minds again a few minutes later, they kiss each other slowly.

“I love you.” Cas says, making Dean smile.

“I love you too, my angel.” Dean murmurs into Cas’ neck. He is sure that Cas is feeling great right now. He killed Crowley, he learned about Raphael’s plan against him, he had a good night of sleep and he just had a mind blowing orgasm. Yeah, he was fine.

And of course because of all those reasons, Dean was on clouds himself.

“What are our plans today?” Dean asks with a smile. But he doesn’t want to get out of the bed, not yet.

“I’m going to kill the alphas.” Cas says but he doesn’t sound scared or hurt, he sounds happy. “I’ll smite all of them but if you want to come with me…” he stops and smirks.

“Of course I’ll come with you.” Dean says and kisses Cas’ nose.

He wouldn’t let Cas go there alone. He wouldn’t. 

Cas smiles again. “But it could wait for another three or four hours.”

“Good.” Dean says before locking their lips together.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm late with this chapter. My computer didn't work. :(

Two weeks after they killed the alphas, Dean gets impatient. 

“I just don’t understand this silence, that’s all. I thought something would happen by now.” Dean says. Sam rolls his eyes. “What? You don’t think something is wrong?”

“I don’t know what to think Dean.” Sam says and gets up to his feet. “Cas said that the silence is normal. Raphael just lost his ally. He needs time to make a plan, and it’s a good thing. Because we need that too.”

“I know okay? I know we need a plan. I know we need to calm down but that bastards planning a war against us as we speak and I just-” Dean can’t finish his sentence.

“You just what? Can’t sit on your ass? Well me neither. But I trust Cas, so…” Sam says and moves closer to Dean. “We can do it Dean. We stopped the Devil. We can stop another archangel.”

“Do we have another brother to sacrifice? Oh wait- no we don’t!” Dean shouts because he is not losing his brother or his lover. Ever again.

Sam backs up and takes a deep breath. “We are going to meet Cas and Garth in five. Bobby will be here in an hour. Balthazar will help us too. We are not alone Dean.” He says softly.

Dean sighs. He know he shouldn’t be so hopeless about this but he can’t help himself. The risk is still there. The risk of losing Cas. The risk of losing Sam. He can’t let anything happen to them. He knows that he has to stop acting like an asshole. He knows he is just hurting them. He knows he should calm down and think of a plan.  
Cas was looking for a weapon that Balthazar hid away from the angels. He had gone to find it and he had took Garth with him. Balthazar had told them where the weapon was and promised he would help 'using it'.

“I’m sorry.” Dean says and shrugs. “I’m just a little terrified about all this, that’s all.”

“It’s okay. Just don’t take it out on Cas.” Sam says. Dean smiles at the way his brother defending Cas.

“I won’t” he promises. “Where the hell is he anyway? We was supposed to be here five minutes ago.”

Dean tries not to panic but he can feel his heart aching in his chest as he thinks of how late Cas is.

“Well I’m sure that he-” Sam says but he stops when they hear flutter of wings. “Speaking of the devil.” He smiles at Cas.

Cas tilts his and and gives the bag he is holding to Garth and turns to Sam. “Why were you talking about Lucifer?” he asks with a confused look.

Dean can’t help but smile at how adorable he looks.

“No Cas, I was just- you know it’s a- never mind.” Sam says and looks at the bag that Garth is holding. 

Cas sighs and frowns. Dean smiles again and wraps his arm around Cas’ waist. Cas turns to him with a smile. Their face so close to each other that makes Dean want to kiss the crap out of him.

Sam clears his throat loudly. “So that’s the weapon?” 

Garth opens the bag but doesn’t do anything else he looks at Cas like he is asking for his permission. Cas takes the bag from him and nods. He takes the weapon out and tosses the bag to Sam’s bed. “Yes, this is it. One of the rare weapons that can kill an archangel. You can’t kill an archangel with an angel blade, you would need an archangel’s blade. This weapon would work though.” He says and looks at the blade he is holding.

The blade doesn’t look like an angel blade. It looks like sword but only shorter. It is shining beautifully in the angels hands. It has funny scribbles on it and Dean can only assume it’s in the angel language.

“It’s beautiful.” Sam says, his voice barely a whisper. Cas gives the sword to him and Sam takes it immediately and looks at it like it’s a naked girl.

“Is Bobby on his way?” Cas asks Sam and Sam nods.

Dean is really exited about this Bobby guy because Sam says that he is like a father to them.

“Does he know about my-?” Dean asks but can’t finish his question.

“Yes we called him when you woke up. He wanted to come here but he was on a hunt. But he is coming now. He is not really exited about your condition though.” Sam says and sighs.

“You are gonna have to tell me who he is and who he is to us because I need to know those things before he comes here.” Dean says. He doesn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings like he did with Cas when he didn’t remember him.

They spend forty-five minutes talking about Bobby. Who he is, the friendship he had with their father, how he saved their lives many times, how he died and how Cas brought him back and many more things that makes Dean want to hug the guy already. Some of the stories sound really familiar to Dean and he knows why. Remembering Cas was a start for him, he is going to remember whole lot more than that.

The knock on the door makes him jump a little and he stops trying to remember anything because it hurts his head. 

Sam opens the door to Bobby. “Hey Bobby, it’s good to see you.” He says and Bobby pulls him into a hug. They pat each other’s back and pull away. Bobby looks at Dean for a moment then turns to Cas.

“It’s been a while since I saw your sorry ass, you idgit.” He says and hugs Cas too. Cas freezes for a moment but hugs back. He smiles when they pull away.

“It is good to see you too Bobby.” Cas says and pats Bobby on the shoulder.

Bobby turns to Garth and hugs him too. Garth looks like he wants to melt in his arms but Bobby pulls back and smiles at him. “Keep it together, son.” He says and finally turns to Dean.

“And you.” He says and punches Dean’s shoulder. 

“Aooowwww!” Dean shouts. “What the hell, Bobby?!”

“That’s for scaring the crap out of me with that thing of yours.” He says and points at Dean’s head.

“I’m sorry.” Dean says and rubs his shoulder. “But I’m much better now. I remember things.”

Bobby pulls him into a tight hug and Dean smiles. “Lucky for you, I have a witch friend who knows a spell about how to cure amnesia.”

“Wait what?” Dean says and pulls back. Bobby grins. Dean turns to Cas but sees that he is grinning too. The only person in the room that isn’t grinning like an idiot is Dean.

“We were gonna tell you but umm..” Sam says and looks at Dean.

“We wanted it to be a surprise.” Cas says, he is suddenly next to Dean, holding his hand.

“Are you telling me that you can fix this?” Dean asks loudly because he wasn’t expecting this. He feels his hope rising in his chest painfully.

“I already got everything we need for the spell.” Cas says and points at the bag on Sam’s bed.

Dean finds he cannot speak.

“Let’s get cooking.” Bobby says seriously and opens the bag.

The next twenty minutes they boil some sheep blood and mix it with some kind of flower. They add some old bones in it and finally, Dean’s hair. The room stinks and Garth almost throws up. But he he says he is fine and takes his place next to Bobby again. Cas stands next to Dean and holds his hand. Sam helps Bobby with the spell and Bobby starts reading something in an old language. He reads for three minutes and cuts Dean arm, mixing his blood with the other things. Then he stops reading and everyone looks at Dean with wide eyes, expecting something.

“I don’t feel anything.” He says, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“He needs to sleep.” Bobby says. “And we can’t wait for him to get hğis beauty sleep on his own, because princess here likes taking her time-” he glares at Dean. “So, you have to hit him.” He says to Cas.

“I’m not gonna hit him Bobby, my strenght would kill him or break his face.” Cas says with a serious tone. 

Dean smirks, something in that sentence turns him on. He turns to Sam “Hit me.”

Sam looks at him for a moment.

“Come on Sam, look I know you don’t want t-” last thing he sees before passing out is Sam’s smirk.

Then it comes back, the headache, everything. Every memory.

The night he carried Sam away from their house and their mom’s death. The years of training with their dad. The Christmases he had with Sam, Bobby and his dad. The night Sam left for collage. Those four years without his brother. His fathers disappearance. The night he found Sam and his girlfriend. The night Jess died, the night he carried his brother away from fire again. The search for their dad. The night he almost died in that car crash. The day his father sold his own soul for him. The night Sam died. His deal with the demon. The night he killed the demon who killed his mom and Jess. That one year he had left and Hell…

It all comes back to him, with every little detail.

And there is Cas. 

The night he walked into that barn and told him that he was the one who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. The night he saved him from Alistair and stayed with him at the hospital. The night he chose to help him. The night he rebelled against heaven for him. His first death by Raphael and how Dean realized he was in love with him. The night Dean took him to a brothel, the night they summoned Raphael together, the night Zachariah sent Dean to the future, the night Cas beat the crap out of him because he wanted to say yes to Michael. The day that Adam was resurrected. The day Lucifer killed Cas. The day that  
Adam went to hell. 

The first kiss with Cas right after he was resurrected. The first night they spent together. Every little touch, every little kiss, every disgusted look from Sam, everything…

And the night they decided to hunt the thing that was only killing men in their thirties. The night he saw the monster, the night that the monster bashed his head to a wall...

He opens his eyes to see Cas looking at him with concerned eyes. Cas holds his and squeezes gently. “Dean?”

Dean smiles “Hi, angel.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter, I'm crying. :( but I'll write new stories... Always and forever Destiel, right?

“How are you feeling?” Cas asks with a careful voice. He is sitting on the bed and holding Dean’s hand. Bobby and Garth are sitting on the couch watching Dean’s every move. Sammy is sitting on the chair next to the bed, his arms are crossed against his chest.

Dean sits up. He remembers everything and he remembers ‘forgetting ’ everything which is all manner of weird. He rubs his eyes before looking back at Cas.

“I just have an headache. Other than that, I’m fine. Back to normal.” He says. Cas smiles and hugs him instantly. Dean tries to ignore his head and hugs his angel back. Because that’s all that matters. Anything other than that could wait.

“That’s actually my doing.” Sam says with a grin. “I hit you pretty hard dude.”

Dean remembers that too. He frowns but he feels amazing. He can’t even blame Sammy for punching the crap out of him.

“You shouldn’t have done that Sam. I could have made him sleep with a touch.” Cas says, arms are still around Dean.

“Well I wanted to punch him ever since he woke up, so…” Sam smiles.

Dean smiles back at him before turning back to Cas. He cups his face and kisses him softly.

Bobby clears his throat loudly. “Okay enough with the romance shit, we still have an archangel to kill. If you guys want to cuddle up like horny koalas all day I suggest you get your own damn room.”

Dean wiggles his brows at Cas. Cas chuckles before zapping them to their own room. Dean is suddenly on his feet.

“I wish I could see their faces right now.” He laughs. 

“Bobby just called us ‘idjits’ and Sam said something about ‘Romeo and Romeo’. Garth is just laughing.” Cas says with a confused frown. Dean chuckles.

“My angel and his super ears.” He murmurs and wraps his arms around Cas’ waist. Cas smiles.

“You are okay right?” he asks.

“I’m more than okay Cas. It’s weird though. I remember everything but I also remember ‘not remembering’.” Dean says and hides his face in Cas’ neck.

Cas kisses his hair. “Try not to think about that. It will only give you headache.” He says and Dean realizes that his head doesn’t ache anymore. He knows Cas’ must have done something. But he doesn’t say anything; he just kisses Cas’ neck. “Prove me you remember me.” Cas says suddenly with a smirk.

“Hmm, asks me anything you want huggy bear.” Dean says and pulls back form his neck, he sits on the bed and pulls Cas next to him.

“Haha, okay.” Cas laughs, clearly enjoying himself right now. Dean can’t help but feel like a sixteen-year-old girl every time Cas laughs like that because that laughing is only for Dean. No one can make Cas laugh like that. “What was the first movie that I   
saw?”

“’City of Angels’. You thought it was a great movie because there was an angel falling in love with an human.” Dean answers. He remembers the way Cas watched the movie, he’d almost cried at the end because he had wanted a happy ending instead of a major character death.

Cas smiles. “The first thing I bought you as a present?”

“You bought me ‘The Bible’ Cas.” Dean sighs and laughs. He remember how serious Cas was when he gave the bible to Dean.

“Hey, it was a good present.” Cas says and chuckles.

“I didn’t say anything. I still carry it with me.” Dean says he knows that the bibles is in his bag, probably under the lube. Dean laughs again at the thought.

“Okay, I believe you remember me.” Cas smiles and gets up, taking the warmth with him.

“Hey, where are you going?” Dean asks slowly and gets up.

“Balthazar has arrived. We have to go now.” Cas says and kisses Dean before zapping them back to Sam and Garth’s room.

Balthazar stills when they arrive but then he forces a smiles and step a step towards Dean and Cas. “Dean, I heard your brain back. That’s good to hear.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” Dean says and tightens his hold on Cas’ hand. Because now he also remembers Balthazar feelings for Cas.

Balthazar stares at him for a long time before turning to Cas. “Are you ready Cassie?” he asks. Dean tries to ignore the whole ‘Cassie’ thing.

“Yes we can go now.” Cas says and turns to Dean. “I’m going to summon Raphael. He might not show but I’m still going to take you with me. I figured you wouldn’t want to stay away.” he says softly with a smile.

“You figured right.” Dean says and kisses his lips.

“We can do this without you though.” Cas says slowly. Dean can see that he doesn’t want to take Dean with him. He can see that he wants to keep Dean out of harms way. But Dean is not going to let him do this on his own. Sure, Balthazar is going to be there, but Cas’ll still be alone. He will always be alone without Dean next to him and they both know that.

“No. I’m coming.” Dean says firmly and Cas nods. 

“You are not going anywhere without me.” Sammy grins. Cas nods again.

“Hester and Inias are waiting for us at the warehouse.” Balthazar says. He looks at anywhere but Dean.”

“Let’s go. See you Bobby, Garth.” Cas says and zaps them to the warehouse.

“Castiel.” Inias greets them. “Dean, Samuel.”

“Hey chief.” Dean says and lets go of Cas’ hand. Cas and Inias start the summoning. 

“Okay, you are standing next to me and not saying anything.” Dean turns to Sam. There was no need for Sammy but he was here, next to Dean. So Dean was going to keep him safe.

“Dude, relax. Your boyfriend’s got everything covered.” Sam sighs but then he laughs. “You don’t even need to be here.”

“I know.” Dean says and checks for his angel blade. “But I’m not going to let him do this on his own.” 

“God you are so overprotective.” Sam says. “Relax. That weapon killed many archangels. Even gods.”

“Yeah whatever.”

“You know, when this is all over, you should ask Cas to marry you.” Sam says suddenly. Dean feels himself blush.

He glares at Sam. “Shut up Sammy.”

“Okay, everything’s ready. He should show up any minute. Take your places.” Cas says then he suddenly turns to Balthazar. “Did you use the holly oil?” he asks.

“Of course I did.” Balthazar says with a smirk.

They wait for fifteen minutes in silence before new flutter of wings breaks the silence. 

“Castiel.” Raphael says. Dean stiffens. He holds his angel blade tightly. “Why did you summon me?”

“I want to talk to you brother.” Cas says slowly and takes a step forward the archangel.

Sam holds Dean’s arm to keep him where he is. Dean appreciates that. Because he knows that if Sammy doesn’t hold him, he is going to do something stupid like putting himself between the archangel and his angel. 

“Why would you possibly want to talk to me?!” Raphael shouts, he starts walking towards Cas, fast and angry and Dean knows it’s time.

He doesn’t even think twice and throws his lighter on the floor, burning the holly oil and turning it into holly fire. Raphael freezes for a while he looks around the fire but he is trapped, he can’t go anywhere. He is already dead.

“Winchester! You little piece of mud!” he shouts at Dean, his eyes furious and his fists clenched. Dean is sure that if the archangel wasn’t tapped right now, Dean would be long dead. “I’m going yo kill you! I’m going to send you back to hell!”

“No you won’t.” Cas says. He is dangerously close to the archangel. Most importantly he is dangerously close to the holly fire. The only fire that would burn an angel to death. Dean pulls Cas back a little bit and holds his hand to calm him. He knows that Cas doesn’t really think about anything when he is angry. And he is angry right now. “You will not touch Dean Winchester.”

Dean squeezes his hand. “Cas calm yourself.” He whispers.

“I’m calm.” Cas says and lets go of Dean’s hand and smiles at him. He starts circling around Raphael. “You’ve killed thousands of your own kind. You’ve killed hundreds of humans. And you claim heaven your own?” he says with a frown. He doesn’t sound angry. He sounds hurt and disappointed. “I’ve always looked up to you, Raphael! You were one of the bests. What happened brother?”

Dean can see the pain behind those blue eyes. Raphael could have been his enemy right now but he was also his brother. Dean can see that Cas doesn’t want to kill him, he really doesn’t. And Dean can understand that. He wouldn’t be able to kill Sammy either. Even if it was the right thing to do. Instead he would toss the car keys to a stranger and tell them to get out of there and he would stay with Sammy. 

Dean smiles sadly. He wishes he could take the pain away from Cas. 

“Lucifer was right. No one listened to him, no one! Even father didn’t listen to him!” Raphael shouts.

“Are you telling me that you would work with Lucifer if he was still walking the earth?” Cas asks. He sound more confused than hurt.

“Yes, I would. And you should too. Let’s just forget about this madness Castiel. Free me. We’ll raise our brother again. He will be pleased to see you take his side. Lucifer likes your potential Castiel. And so do I.” Raphael says, his eyes are glowing with hope and he has an evil smirk on his face.

Dean’s stomach clenches at the thought of Cas working with Lucifer.

Cas sighs in disbelief and turns his back to Raphael. He nods once at Balthazar turns to Sam and Dean. “Close your eyes.” He says.

Dean covers his eyes with right arm and tries not to scream because there is so much light, so much noise. He feels Cas’ arms around him but he doesn’t move because that doesn’t feel like Cas’ arms at all. But it’s definitely Cas.

When the light and the noise is gone, he opens his eyes. He sees Cas standing between him and Sammy, a protective look on his face. 

Dean can still feel Cas holding him but Cas doesn’t even touch him. Sammy looks around uncomfortably.

There is a flutter of wings and the feeling is gone. No one is holding him anymore. A sudden realization hits Dean. Cas didn’t need to use his arms to protect them, he had two beautiful, huge, feathery wings. Cas smiles at Dean and turns to Sam.

“Are you okay Sam?” he asks.

“Umm yeah, I guess. That was weird tough.” Sam murmurs and looks at Dean. “Your angels has wings.”

“Yeah I know Sammy, I know.” Dean says, not taking his eyes away from Cas.

The other three angels take the body of their brother back to heaven and leave Cas alone with the Winchesters. Balthazar stares at Cas before disappearing then he sees Dean glaring at himself. He smiles and nods at him before flying away.

Cas flies them back at their motel. He leaves Sammy with Bobby and Garth and flies Dean to their room. He sits on the bed again.

“So… what happens now? You are the new sheriff in town?” Dean asks and sits next to his angel.

“Dean I’m falling. In a few weeks I’ll be a human. I can’t go back to heaven.” Cas says but he doesn’t sound hurt at all. 

He sounds happy? 

“So what happens up there?” Dean finds himself asking.

“Inias.” Cas says. “He fought well, I gave the honor to him instead. I was gonna go with Balthazar but he was mean to you.” He smirks.

“Yeah, I don’t know he would be a good leader.” Dean says. Because he knows Balthazar is a good angel, a good friend to Cas and a actually a good leader.

“I’m kidding he didn’t want it.” Cas says with a grin.

Dean snorts. He takes Cas’ hand in his. “So… human in a few weeks huh?”

“Yes.”

“We are gonna have to teach you how to hunt. How shoot a gun and all.” Dean says, he wants Cas to defend himself because he is going to lose his angel mojo and he will need protection.

“You can teach me all those things.” Cas says with a smile. “So…”

“Hmmm?”

“When are you going to ask me to marry you?” Cas asks with a smirk but he is clearly blushing.

“Cas you-” Dean tries to say but Cas laughs.

“I’m still an angel Dean, I can hear when you talk with your brother.” Cas explains.

“Oh.” Dean takes a deep breath. He really wasn’t ready for this.

“So?” Cas asks. “When are you going to ask?”

Dean just stares at him. His angel. His beautiful angel, laughing and blushing in front of him, making Dean want to kiss the crap out of him. But Dean can’t do anything, he just stares.

“Would you?” He finds himself asking. He is sure that he is sweating and maybe even shaking but he doesn’t care. 

“You know I would.” Cas says with a smile.

Oh.

“Okay.” Dean says and leans in to kiss his angel. He can taste salt on Cas lips but he doesn’t know which one of them is crying. He just keeps kissing his angel, his lips, his cheeks, his watery eyes, his chin, his neck…

He wraps his arms around Cas and buries himself in his neck. He realizes he is crying as well but he really doesn’t care because it has been a really, really long time since he cried with joy. He needs this. He needs Cas. He needs to make him truly his own.

Cas kisses his hair and starts laughing loud. Really loud. Dean pulls back to look at him. He can see the happiness behind those beautiful blue and watery eyes. He has never seen his angel this happy before.

He wipes away the tears from his face and kisses his lips again.

“Wait ‘till I get you your ring.”


End file.
